Three Really Hot Burning Questions from the Meltingpot

People, people, people. What a week it has been. Folks just acting a fool left and right. You know I have questions so here we go:

1. What is Alison Samuels smoking that has made her lose all sense of journalistic integrity? She already made people question her judgment in writing that irritating opinion piece about Zahara Jolie-Pitt's hair, but then she thought it prudent to write a follow-up piece defending the first ridiculous article. Some have suggested she's just looking for publicity in attacking one of the most famous celebrity families on the planet. Others say she is suffering from a severe case of self-hatred which she is projecting on poor Zahara. Either way, I want to know why we have to read about it in Newsweek?

2. And speaking of possible publicity stunts, is that what's behind Tyra Banks' decision to have her contestants on America's Next Top Model pose in blackface -- or better said in "mixed face" -- in some sugar cane fields in Hawaii for the show? If you hadn't heard about this latest hulabaloo in TV land, you can read about it on Yahoo news or check out Clutch magazine's take on the story. I don't know. It makes me uncomfortable on many levels, but does Tyra get a pass as a woman of color to play with "blackface?" Is this just fashion/art? And obviously we don't all have to agree, but are you okay with this? Would you be okay if this is precedent setting and fashion shoots and fashion shows in the future use White girls in face paint instead of real Mixed or Black models? Hmmm... I wonder.

3. So tomorrow is Halloween and the next day is Day of the Dead or rather Dia de los Muertos. I had the great pleasure of being invited to a Mexican friend's home one year to paint sugar skulls and participate in a traditional Day of the Dead celebration. But here's my question. In this month's Cookie magazine (may she rest in peace), they have an article about how to throw your own authentic Day of the Day celebration. Is that okay? I mean if Day of the Dead isn't part of your cultural heritage should you really be celebrating? I mean wouldn't that be like frying up the latkes in early December and celebrating Hannukah? Or ordering in Indian take-out for your own Diwali festival? I mean where do we draw the line people? Or am I reading this wrong? What do you think?

So dear readers, if you have some answers, let them rip.

Happy Halloween and remember to eat all that candy responsibly. Friends don't let friends eat the whole bag of Snickers...in one day.

Peace.

New Links and Chicken Noodle Soup please!

It's Wednesday. I don't have swine flu but I have a nasty cold that's kicking my butt. I am uninspired to write, but thought I'd take the opportunity to update my links over there on the right-hand side of the screen. I've been meaning to do this for a long time.

I took an hour to add some great new links and then something happened and I lost everything. (grr) So I re-entered everything but probably missed one or two, so if you can think of any obvious links I should include here on the Meltingpot, please send them my way.

I tried to add a bunch of your blogs, my loyal readers, because I love reading what you all are up to. I think I have the coolest group of followers ever. All of your lives sound so interesting. Wouldn't it be cool to all get together and chat over a spicy cup of tea and banana bread? Mmmmmm...warms my heart just thinking about it.

Since I'm feeling blue (and snotty) why don't you all try to cheer me up with whatever you like eat and/or drink when you're feeling stuffed up and miserable. The more details the better. And let it be known, that the best chicken soup I've ever tasted was at this Dominican dive on 5th avenue in Park Slope, Brooklyn. I think it was the cilantro, but ay papi it was sooo damn good.

So what are you waiting for? Tell me what you would make me eat to feel better.

Thank you (sniffle, sniffle, sneeze.)

Peace.

What do "fiery Spanish tempers" have to do with adoption?

Meltingpot readers, I am hoping you can help.

The other day my five-year old son threw a major temper tantrum in the middle of his brother's guitar lesson. Basically his DVD wasn't playing what he wanted it to. Trauma that only a tired kindergartner can relate to, but I digress.

Without much fanfare I dragged him out of the classroom into the hallway where he could finish his growling and wailing in peace and his brother could finish his lesson. These things happen. So after the lesson his teacher came out and assured me that she wasn't bothered and in fact, she understood the five-year old's display of emotion only too well.

"I understand perfectly. He can't help it. It's in his blood," she said. "My mother is from the south of Spain too and she was the same way. Very emotional."

Okay, since his teacher is Puerto Rican and she had told us that her mother was from Sevilla I did not take offense at this comment but I did think it was a sweeping generalization and that more than his Southern Spanish blood it was his tired five-year-old body that was making my son act a fool. But she kept insisting that my son was simply a product of his genes and his emotions were wont to get the best of him.

"My mother was always yelling and screaming," she said with a nostalgic smile on her face.

So I wasn't really bothered by her comment, and in fact I kind of chuckled as I recounted the story to my husband. We both got a laugh out of it since in our Kinky Gazpacho household I am the emotional one and if our boys are high strung and emotional we figure they get that from me.

So what do fiery Spanish tempers have to do with adoption? Well, as we contemplate adding a wee little girl to this house, I wonder what happens when people make those kind of comments about your adopted child, not knowing that they are adopted? Do you correct them and say, well it's impossible that her temper comes from her Spanish blood because she's adopted? Of course in a situation like that, you could probably smile and move on but what happens when the comments are coming from the family members themselves?

What I mean is, it is so common for family members, myself included, to look at our children and try to figure out where they got certain behaviors from. My older son's shyness we peg that to el esposo. The younger one's penchant for drama? That's all me. I know this could evolve into a nature vs nurture discussion, but I'm just wondering what do you do for the adopted child so that they feel part of the discussion? Naturally and not forced. Do you consciously avoid such discussions in front of your children? Do you warn other family members to do the same? Curious if anyone has an opinion? In the meantime, I'll go check if anything has been written on the subject in Adoptive Families magazine.

Peace.

"Mixed Race People are the Face of the Future"

Marilyn Minter is a celebrated contemporary artist who only uses mixed race models in her work. In an interview with Artlurker magazine, she explains why:


"I think mixed race people are the most compelling and most beautiful. I wouldn’t call it sentimental as much as prophetic. To me, Alicia [her mixie model]looks like the face of the future.

What do you think of that? Impressed? Feeling fetish vibes? Intrigued? Would it make a difference if Minter were Mixed instead of White? Check out Racialicious writer, LaToya Peterson's take on Minter and others who seem to glorify mixed-race beauty in kind of creepy ways.

Happy Friday.

Peace!

Just A Slice of this American (Meltingpot) Life

Today I went to a radio station here in Philadelphia for yet another interview about Black hair. (Yes, there really is that much to talk about.) I knew the station had an urban audience, played R&B and hip-hop music and generally kept an urban focus for their talk-radio. My publicist scheduled the interview so I really didn't know much more than the basics and assumed the radio hostess would be a Black woman.

But she wasn't. At first glance, I assumed she was Asian, but since I was mostly chasing her down a long hallway to the recording studio I didn't really get to study her features. Well, as soon as she sat down, we started to talk a bit before the interview and she told me she was actually Black and Japanese. Dad was Black (now deceased) and Mom is Japanese. So of course she had some great hair stories of her own to tell. But that wasn't the best part.

After the interview we kept chatting and I mentioned that my husband is from Spain and she kind of chuckled. "As a matter of fact," she said, "my son is adopted and both of his parents are from Spain but he was born in Newark, New Jersey." You heard me. What are the chances people? Meltingpot mama herself being interviewed by a woman who is Black and Japanese, raising her Spanish son in Philly? Did I mention her significant other is Puerto Rican? It just makes me smile. I love my American Meltingpot.

Peace.

p.s. I'll post the interview when it airs next month.

Because Sometimes Love Just isn't Enough

This morning I had the great pleasure of being a guest on the Philadelphia-based radio show, Radio Times. We were talking about the politics of Black hair in America, of course, in response to the film "Good Hair."

Radio Times host, Marty Moss-Coane asked me and Philadelphia Inquirer fashion columnist, Elizabeth Wellington thoughtful and provoking questions about the state of Black hair politics today and then she opened up the phone lines for callers to ask their questions. As expected, many people called in, not with questions, but stories of their own hair-raising experiences.

One caller however, is still hovering in my mind. She was a White woman with a biracial daughter. Her husband is Africa-American and she told us she wants her three-year old daughter to love her natural hair so she mostly lets her wear it in an "afro." She also admitted that she doesn't always comb it every day, and sometimes it is a little "matted." She then wanted to know what to do about her African-American in-laws who always had comments and unasked for suggestions about straightening the girl's hair.

My response to the woman was to encourage her to understand that her in-laws were probably concerned that the girl would be judged in this world unfairly if her hair doesn't appear neat and tidy. Now of course I cannot know everything that goes on in this woman's household or mind, especially after only a two-minute conversation on the radio, but a part of me cringed when the woman said she didn't always comb her daughter's hair, and sometimes it was kind of "matted."

What I really wanted to say to her was, "Why would you let your child out of the house with matted hair?" You wouldn't let your White child out of the house with rats nests. There is a difference between embracing your child's natural hair and not taking care of your daughter's hair. Leaving it alone to mat up is not celebrating her beauty. That being said, I don't blame this woman, I just think she needs to be taught some basic hair care skills for her daughter's unique hair, and she should probably read about the complicated history of Black hair so she understands just what her daughter is in for in this lifetime. Basically she has to realize that loving her daughter and her hair just isn't enough.

And that's my segue into announcing that Anti-Racist parent has changed their name to Love Isn't Enough:On Raising a Family in a Colorstruck World. You can read their first manifesto here and tell me what you think. Or better yet, tell them. I think it's a brave statement to project, because it's true love isn't enough to heal these ills. It takes work. Work that may makes us super uncomfortable, and that's where the love is helpful. Because if we really love our kids, we will push through the pain, so they don't have to.

Peace.

Interracial Relationships Making Headlines

Okay, dear readers, you have all probably gasped, sucked your teeth, shouted a few "no he didn'ts," and rolled your eyes several times because of yesterday's news that a justice of the peace in Louisiana refused to issue an interracial couple a marriage licence, citing concern for the future offspring of such a union. Maybe you didn't read the story, but suffice it to say, it feels like a throwback to life before the Loving decision.

Now before you go deciding that America is so backwards and behind, check out this Politico story about New York City politician, Bill de Blasio who actually found that his African-American wife (he's White) and Mixed children were an asset in his campaign for New York City public advocate. Being in an interracial marriage apparently marks him as a progressive and in tune with issues affecting and important to minority voters.

So maybe Louisiana is an isolated incident? Maybe America is ready to accept and even champion love across the color line. Apparently NBC is ready to push the envelope as Gabrielle Union and John Cho get to be a hot and heavy couple on the new drama series, FastForward. I actually haven't seen the show, but Sky Obercam over at Clutch Magazine wrote about their "Bumble Bee" romance and what it means in terms of progress on television. (I admit, I much prefer the term "Bumble Bee romance" to interracial relationship.)

So what do you think people? Do we get out our poison pens and picket signs and head to Louisiana? Or do we throw our support and praise behind people like Blasio who are putting their families front and center? Where do you think America is in accepting interracial relationships? To be honest, I often forget that I fall into this category, it is such a non-issue in my life. But I have worked hard to get here. I chose a neighborhood where interracial unions are commonplace. I'm now attending a church where multiracial families are a huge part of the congregation, and most of my friends are some sort of colorful. So I basically live in a multi-culti bubble. So, tell me please, does it need to be burst?

I'm listening.

Peace.

Keep Your Opinions Out of My Hair!

I just don't get it. Why is this article acceptable? I am incensed on so many different levels.

In a nutshell, Newsweek writer Allison Samuels, who happens to be Black, takes Angelina Jolie to task for not "fixing" Zahara's hair, and in fact referring to the poor girl's hair as a "hot mess." (Grrr!!)

I don't have words. Please fill them in for me. What do you think about this article? And is it just me or do you think Zahara's hair is beautiful just the way it is? Is Samuels viewing the girl's hair through her own bias of what's acceptable for Black hair styles? Not to mention, as many folks have pointed out, Zahara's White sisters' hair is just as "wild and free" which would indicate that the Jolie-Pitts in general aren't frou-frou parents who are going to take time to add ponytails and ribbons to their daughters' hair. Even Angelina seems to favor low-maintenance hair-dos, so what's good for mommy...

All I have to say is, shame on you Allison Samuels. For all of your reported concern on how little Zahara is going to feel looking back at her childhood pictures, how is she going to feel stumbling upon this cruel and uncalled for article?

For the rest of you, Peace and Hair Grease
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And we promised to announce our winner for the ?RU t-shirt. Since there was only one entry, Yvonne, it's you. Send me a mailing address and what shirt you'd like, including size, to myamericanmeltingpot@gmail.com. Congrats!

New babies, new blogs, new bad news (for Oprah)

So much meltingpot news, so little time. What's a girl to do but tell it like it is. Just tell it like it is.

First, I want to say a big congrats to one of my favorite celebrity mixie families. Heidi Klum and Seal welcomed a baby girl into their truly blended family. Why is this important? It's not, really, I just think they make multicultural families look really good. Enhorabuena.!

Second, I'm wondering how many of you have heard of the new website The Grio.com? From their website:

"TheGrio.com is the first video-centric news community site devoted to providing African Americans with stories and perspectives that appeal to them but are underrepresented in existing national news outlets. TheGrio features aggregated and original video packages, news articles, and blogs on topics from breaking news, politics, health, business, and entertainment, which concern its niche audience."

You can read my opinion piece on Chris Rock's movie Good Hair on their opinion pages. Feel free to let me know what you think.

Now, how many of you heard the news about the horrible deaths of two people in a crazy sweat lodge accident? Not to rehash the whole thing, but Oprah-appointed guru and co-author of The Secret, James Arthur Ray, was hosting a spiritual warrior event which culminated in a sweat lodge ceremony that he copied from Native American traditions. From what we know so far, two people died and several were hospitalized after being in the lodge for over two hours. Of course I don't know all the details, but it occurs to me when people try to appropriate other groups' cultural norms you're treading on dangerous ground. It doesn't have to end with death, but taking things out of their cultural context can lead to dangerous outcomes. Right? Can you think of any other examples like this?

I'm listening.

Peace!

Burning Questions from the Meltingpot

It's the end of the week and I have so many questions swirling through my mind. First and foremost:

1. Is everyone else feeling a renewed sense of hope and possibility with the announcement that President Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize this morning? And at the same time, are you wishing that all of the people who feel compelled to whine and complain that he doesn't deserve it, would just shut up already?

2. Does anyone else not really care all that much that Mattel has released a new set of Black Barbies and in fact wonders what all the hoopla is about considering there have been Black Barbies on the market since the 1960s? But at the same time, wishes that if they were going to update Black Barbie, they wouldn't have named her Trichelle?

3. Is anyone else out there thinking that right now, Jon Gosselin is like the most photographed Asian-American man right now, and yet the Asian community doesn't seem to embrace him? Why is that? Or am I wrong? Does Jon Gosselin have any kind of Asian fan base? Do Asian-Americans even claim him? Does the rest of America even view him through a racial lens? Or is he just the dad of multiples from TLC?

4. How many people are going to see Chris Rock's new movie, Good Hair, which opens this weekend? I've already seen it and had mixed opinions.

5. Did anybody else hear about the TV show in Australia where White actors performed a comedy skit called The Jackson Jive in blackface and find themselves secretly saying, I knew Australia had issues with Black people, but this just proves it? And even though there have been several public apologies by the show's producer who invited the buffoons on the program,and even though you know you shouldn't judge an entire country by one stupid act, do you still feel like that flight to Australia might not be worth it? I'm just wondering?

Mixie Mondays over at WhatRUgear! (And a Giveaway Too)

Okay, so this is a blatant act of shameless self-promotion. Except I'm not really promoting myself, I'm promoting one of my other ventures, my t-shirt and accessories company, ?RU. Over at ?RU, we make t-shirts and accessories for people who don't fit nicely into a single identity box. That's all of you Mixie folks, people in transracially adoptive families, people like myself involved in an interracial relationship and of course any and all of the people who just believe in our mission. Our shirt slogans include, Mixed to Perfection and Ambiguously Brown.

My business partner and I actually recently came in second place in a local business plan competition which has given us the encouragement to carry on with this crazy endeavour. Why "crazy?" It's not because we don't believe in our mission to spark conversations about identity politics with hip, attractive t-shirts, it's "crazy" because we both have full-time jobs, kids and households to run in addition to getting this business off the ground. But we're counting on the power of YOU to help us out.

We are forgoing traditional advertising, concentrating on word of mouth efforts to spread the word about the company. You can become a fan of whatrugear on Facebook, you can follow whatRUgear on Twitter and every Monday, you can check in on the whatRUgear Blog for a Mixie Monday posting. In fact, right now if you become a fan of ours on Facebook, you can vote to help us decide what the next color shirt we debut will be.

Now of course you're saying, well what's in it for me? And I can happily respond that anyone who posts a link about ?RU on their site, Tweets about us and/or becomes a fan on our Facebook page will automatically be entered to win one of our gorgeous shirts. And that's any shirt of your choosing. Send me a comment that lets me know how you've helped spread the word, and that will be your official entry into the drawing for a shirt. Comments must be received by Tuesday October 13 at 8pm. A winner will be announced on Wednesday October 14.

Okay, I'm taking off my shameless plug hat now, and wishing you all a wonderful Wednesday.

Peace!

Do Your Kids Eat Sushi?

I don't mean to brag but my five-year old can eat with chopsticks. And his favorite restaurant is called "Silken Tofu." It's a Korean restaurant that we often frequent, despite and because we are usually the only non-Asians in the joint. It feels very authentic, unlike the more showy Korean BBQ restaurants we used to frequent on 34th street in Manhattan.

Also, my eight year-old recently brought home his "Getting to Know Me" project where he had to write down his hobbies, favorite foods, etc. And do you know what he claimed his favorite food is? Sushi. I chuckled at that because we honestly don't take our children out for sushi that often, now that we live in Philly, but he's so much like me in his love for "exotic" foodstuffs. Among his other culinary favorites are snails, goat cheese, giant prawns, and tandori chicken. The five-year old turns his nose up at most cheeses, but loves green olives, Chinese bubble tea, vietnamese pho and bun (rice noodles), and jamon serrano. And even though neither one of them will get near a peanut butter sandwich and consider most breakfast cereals unacceptable for morning consumption, they also eat regular foods as well.

But the thing is, I can pretty much feel okay taking my sons to any restaurant in the world and know that they'll find something they like to eat. No matter how "strange" or different the food may be. In fact, they both seem to relish the idea of eating things that others might find unappetizing. I'd like to take some credit for that, but for the most part all I've done is feed my kids the same thing I eat since they were little babies. I never make separate meals for them because mommy and daddy's food is too complicated or spicy. To be honest, my eight-year old can handle far spicier food than I.

Still, many parents moan and groan because their kids won't eat anything besides a very regimented diet of chicken fingers and tater tots. The only vegetables that are acceptable are green beans and veggie booty. And of course I know that some kids just come out of the womb with very particular palates and would rather starve than eat something with cumin or cloves, but for the most part, it is the parent who shapes their kids eating habits. And for me, eating provides a window into other cultures. So when I take my kids into that Korean restaurant they learn something about Korean culture, even though they may not even realize it now.

Here's an article from Time Out Chicago about a great way to tantalize your kid's taste buds with kid-friendly foreign fare. It's about Chicago, but the idea can be applied in any city. What about you? How do you get your kids to challenge their taste buds? Does food cause fights and meltdowns in your house? Is your kid a food snob? Let us know.

Here's to happy eating!

Peace!

Kinky Gazpacho Part II?

Imagine if I had a younger brother and el esposo had a younger sister around the same age. Imagine, because of us, they met one summer in Spain years ago, when he still wore braces and she still slept cuddled up with a mountain of stuffed animals for comfort at night.

Now imagine that a spark was ignited that very same summer and it continued to burn over the years, across the ocean and through the various highs and lows of life. The spark was only aided by the power of the internet, midnight text messages and two more visits -- one here and another in Spain. And somehow that teeny,tiny spark burst into a flame of love and desire. Somewhere along the way.

Would you believe me? Does it sound too unbelievable? A little over the top? Well, this is not an idea for my next novel. It really comes straight from the pages of my life. And in fact, in about twenty minutes I'm going to the airport to pick up my Spanish sister-in-law, who might just might, become my new Spanish sister-in-law!

Only in this Kinky Gazpacho family folks. Only here. Or maybe not? Do you have a better story from your own family archives? Please share. It's Friday!

Peace!