Stumbled Upon: YA Novel, Kimchi & Calamari

Hello Meltingpot Readers,

So, all of my loyal readers know that I practically live at the library. In the summer it's no different, except I usually haul my kids with me on my visits. They love the library too. When we go, they immediately run off to read graphic novels and other things I usually won't buy for them. And they're perfectly cool with me picking out their books for the week. I don't know how long this is going to last but for now it works for me.

So, this summer I've been trying to get my sci-fi loving 11-year-old to read more realistic fiction. I still try to find stories that I think will speak to him as a 11-year-old boy who likes sci-fi and fantasy. So, for example, last week he read The Orphan of Ellis Island, about an orphaned Italian-American boy who falls through a time portal and goes back in time and meets his Italian ancestors. He loved it. Yes! Yesterday, I stumbled upon a book called Kimchi & Calamari. You know with just that title, I was intrigued.

Sure enough, the book is about a Korean boy adopted by an Italian-American family. The boy in the story is 14 years old and dealing with typical teen boy stuff, plus he's dealing with identity issues and a search for a birth parent. Here's a link to a review (cuz I haven't read it yet.) And here's how the author, Rose Kent sells, Kimchi & Calamari:

" Kimchi and calamari is a quirky food fusion — and exactly how fourteen-year-old Joseph Calderaro feels about himself. Why wouldn’t an adopted Korean drummer feel like a combo platter given

1. his face in the mirror and
2. his proud Italian family?

Now Joseph has to write an ancestry essay for school. But all he knows is that his birth family put his diapered butt on a plane to the USA.

What Joseph does leads to a catastrophe messier than a table of shattered dishes — and self-discovery that he never could have imagined."

Sounds good right? It'll be next on the list for my son. And I'll tell you how it goes.

Has anybody else read Kimchi and Calamari? Any thoughts? Any other realistic fiction suggestions for an 11-year old boy with Ms. Meltingpot for a mom? I'm listening.

Peace!

FlashBack Friday: The One About Black People Adopting White Children

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

Here's another popular post I penned, that I continue to get comments on three years later. It's the one about Black people adopting White children. It doesn't happen a lot, but when it does, people notice.

I've been most impressed with the comments where people have come forward to say that when a person is in need of a family, it doesn't matter what color that family is. Sometimes that sounds naive, but coming from people who have been in the world without a place to call home, I trust their opinions. And I appreciate them sharing their stories here on the Meltingpot.

Take another look and leave a comment there or here. And if you want to read more about the trend, here's a fairly recent story from the Griot.com on Black people adopting White children.

Peace!

When White Mennonites Adopt Black Children

Hello Meltingpot Readers,

I hope all of you who celebrate Christmas had a joyous and peaceful holiday yesterday. I did. And I'm still basking in the holiday glow. In other words, today I'm enjoying the peace of the day after the holiday, when there's no place that I have to be, no presents I have to wrap, and last night's leftovers are filling my fridge so I don't even have to cook. Ahh...

But of course I didn't want to leave you, my faithful readers, without your daily dish of Meltingpot goodness. Here's an interesting article that graced the cover of today's Philadelphia Inquirer about Black Mennonites, specifically about Black children who are adopted into White Mennonite families. It's an excellent read and of course raises more questions than it answers.

Take a look and let me know what you think.

Peace!

International Adoption Can Make the Holidays Taste Sweeter

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

Here's a link to a story I wrote for today's Philadelphia Inquirer about how families with internationally adopted children incorporate their children's heritage into the holidays.

It was great fun doing all of the interviews and hearing how different families, like the Braydon-McCormicks, mesh all of the cultures represented in their multi-culti clans during the Christmas season. Of course, because this was a newspaper article, I didn't get to include half the information I wanted to, given the limited space. For one, I would have liked to include more details about just how thoughtful these different families are in their celebrations. It's not like they just hang up some extra ornaments on the tree and call it a day. I also would have liked to include some Jewish families with adopted children in the story as well. Maybe next time.

The main nugget of truth I walked away with after talking to all of these great people, was that an adopted child's heritage isn't just acknowledged on special occasions and holidays. It becomes the family's heritage. As one of the mother's I interviewed, Kate Rupertus, said. "Our family is now Irish, Italian and Ethiopian." And that was evidenced by the beautiful Ethiopian decorations in their home as well as the fact that on St. Patrick's day, all of the kids go green. In other words, the child isn't just adopted into the family, his culture is too.

Makes my heart sing. I love these meltingpot moments.

Peace!

What I'm Reading Now: Stories in Living Color

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

You all know I regularly post book reviews here on the Meltingpot, but the truth of the matter is, I read far more than I have time to review. In fact, I read so much, I consider myself a book addict. When I finish one book, if I don't have a new book to dive into, I'm like a crackhead and start to get the shakes. Sometimes I can stave off withdrawal symptoms with a good magazine article, but that will only hold me for a short period of time.

Because I know many of you appreciate recommendations for good books, I thought I'd share with you what books I've gobbled up...I mean, read lately. And these aren't just good books, these are Meltingpot books. In other words, I'm not really interested in reading a book about White people and their lives in a White world. Not that I don't find White people fascinating, but it seems their stories are everywhere. I want to use my reading time to find out how other people live. Even if it's fiction, I want to immerse myself in another culture, or see my own culture reflected in some way. I want to see different cultures engaging with one another. I want to see cultures colliding and coming together. Don't get me wrong, I don't discriminate in my literary choices. I think of it more like affirmative action. If I can find a book with at least one colored character, I'm choosing that one over the book with just White folks. But at the end of the day, a good book is a good book. I'll read anything by Ann Patchett, for example, whether she adds people of color in her books or not (interestingly she usually does but not always.)

So, without further ado, here's what I've read in the last two months, in addition to Conquistadora and The Taste of Salt, which I reviewed here on the site.

1.  You Are Free: Stories by Danzy Senna. I generally shy away from short stories, but I'd read a grocery list if Danzy Senna wrote it. She is one of my favorite authors who always tackles mixed-race identity in all of her work. You Are Free is no exception. The stories aren't explicitly about race, but almost every story in the collection features a mixed-race character grappling with an issue that seems to stem from their racial blend. It's deep stuff and kind of depressing. By the end of the book, I desperately wanted to know if Senna was intentionally playing with the 'tragic mulatto' stereotype or if she truly 'knew' these characters she had invented. I'd love to hear other people's reactions to You Are Free.

2.  Shanghai Girls by Lisa See. Lisa See has been in my literary rear view mirror for awhile. My mother's book club was reading one of her books. One of her books is now showing at a theater near me. The local Barnes & Noble had a display of her books on the front table. But I just wasn't that interested. But when my local Borders went out of business, I scooped up Shanghai Girls because it was on deep discount and I decided to finally find out what Lisa See could deliver. This book is about two young sisters who are living the high life in Shanghai right before the Japanese invasion. Their privileged world falls apart however, when their father admits he's gambled away their fortune. To save himself, he essentially sells his daughters to get out of debt. The two sisters, May and Pearl, are now wives to two awkward brothers who live in the United States and they go from upper-class Chinese, to downtrodden immigrant workers in California.

I can't say I loved this book, but it was definitely a page-turner that kept me entertained. I also learned a lot about Chinese culture and the Chinese immigrant experience in America. For that reason, I would recommend the book to every American because you will never eat at a Chinese restaurant or stroll through your local Chinatown with the same innocent eyes.

Now I'm reading a new memoir by the award-winning author and poet, Jackie Kay. Kay was adopted as an infant in her native Scotland. Her birth mother was Scottish, her father an academic from Nigeria. The book, Red Dust Road, is her story of tracking down her birth parents and examining her life growing up with her communist parents. Despite the seriousness of her endeavor, this book is hilarious. Considering Kay finds out her birth mother became a Mormon and her birth father became a Christian zealot, if she couldn't find the humor in her origins, she probably wouldn't be in such a positive place in her life today. I had the pleasure of meeting Kay a few years ago at a literary festival and she is a beautiful human being and full of laughter. When I finish the book, I'll give you a complete review. But if you want to beat me to it, order if for yourselves. The only thing is, my friend sent it to me from England where it was published. I'm not sure if it's available through US book stores yet.

So, what are you reading these days? I'm going to need my next fix soon.

I'm listening.

Peace!

The Kimchi Chronicles: From Seoul to Soul to Seoul

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

Sorry I went missing. Sadly, I wasn't on some exotic vacation or enjoying the final days of summer on a local beach. Nope, I just couldn't tear myself away from the all-consuming task of caring for a newborn. I'm not complaining, just explaining. And saying thank you for continuing to visit the Meltingpot. Okay. Shall we move on?

So, not too long ago, I was channel surfing and stumbled across what appeared to be a travel/cooking show focused on the cuisine of Korea. I was immediately hooked because I love Korean food but also because the hosts of the show were not Korean, but rather an interracial couple of indeterminate origins. All I could ascertain by the brief clip I saw was that the woman was ambiguously brown and the 'white-ish' man had a European sounding accent. So of course as soon as the show went off I went into investigative mode.

As it turns out, I'd been watching The Kimchi Chronicles. Indeed it is a show that celebrates the cuisine of Korea. And while that is exciting, I find the backstory to the show far more fascinating, as I'm sure you all will too. So the host is Marja Vongerichten, wife of the famous chef Jean-Georges Vongerichten. But that's not what makes her special. Her life story is the stuff of meltingpot fairy tales. The daughter of a Korean mother and an African-American GI, she was orphaned at age three, adopted by an African-American family in the United States and then reunited with her birth mother as an adult. I'm not sure how much of her life history she's bringing into the show, but her husband and daughter make appearances on the Kimchi Chronicles (as do the actors Heather Graham and Hugh Jackman which I'm still struggling to understand why, but whatever.) Here's a clip from the show so you can see for yourself what I'm talking about. 



So, let me know what you think of the Kimchi Chronicles. I'm listening.


Peace.

Kung Fu Panda 2 -- An Adoption Tale?

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

My kids and I saw Kung-Fu Panda 2 today. I didn't expect to love it, but I am a sucker for any martial arts drama, even cartoons. Well, we weren't even twenty minutes into the film when I realized I was going to enjoy this Kung-Fu tale for more reasons than one.

On the surface, this sequel to the original film, where a schlubby panda learns the art of Kung Fu and becomes a local hero, pretty much takes up where the other left off. Po the Panda and the furious five warriors protect China from evil bandits with their Kung-Fu talents. Things heat up when a really bad guy (a very nasty peacock by the name of Shen) decides to take over all of China by destroying his opponents with his new weapon (a cannon) that is stronger than even the mightiest Kung-Fu warrior. But really the movie is about Po discovering that his father (who happens to be a goose) isn't his real father. There's a line where the goose says something like, "I didn't want to have to tell you this, but you're adopted!" The audience is supposed to giggle at this, because well, gee, dad's a goose and he's a Panda, duh.

But the references to adoption and the enormous effect it has on a person's psyche run throughout the film. In fact, while Po is supposed to be saving Kung Fu, he admits that this quest is really about "finding out who he really is." He is adamant, in fact, that he must find his "real parents."

I was truly amazed at how deeply into the psyche of the adopted child the filmmakers went, discussing themes of abandonment, the lifelong scars that cannot be healed from a parent's presumed abandonment, not knowing who you really are until you know where you come from. I'd even say there was a nod to transracial, er rather, trans-species adoption in there too. It was quite profound. At the end, the panda bear decides that even though the beginning of his story was tragic, he had the power to define himself now and not fall prey to his original circumstances. I was quite impressed, although I'm not sure I agree with Po's assessment of how easy it is to redefine oneself. Also, at the very end, we're given a sneak peek at what will obviously be the set-up for Kung Fu Panda 3, which will clearly continue Po's journey to discover who he really is. I don't want to ruin the whole film for those of you who will be forced to watch it with your kids, but Dreamworks obviously wanted to go deep with this movie and elevate it beyond elementary material.

So, all of my adoption advocates and fellow Meltingpot Readers, have you seen Kung-Fu Panda 2? Do you think it does a good job presenting adoption in a positive light? In an honest light? I'd love to hear other people's opinions.

I'm listening.

Peace!

Burning Questions from The Meltingpot

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

It's the middle of the week and already my mind is swirling with questions. Got answers? Please share.

1. Is it just me or do other people think adult adoptions are kind of a good idea? I mean if you don't have parents and you find a nice older couple who doesn't have children but likes you a heck of a lot, why not legally form a family? Apparently this is a trend that's finding traction in the United States. Here's a recent story about Adult Adoptions. What do you think? Is there a need to legalize such arrangements? Do you see any obvious pitfalls to the process?

2. So my next question is; how do you say Black hair politics in German? My friend, author and journalist Rose-Anne Clermont over at Currents Between Shores has gotten herself embroiled in a messy minefield of Black hair (and ashy skin) politics. Apparently there is some disagreement amongst her readers about what uncombed Black hair means in Germany. The whole conversation started with Clermont's post about seeing mixed Afro-German kids with hair that was a hot mess (my words not hers.) Please check out the conversation and see if you have anything to add.

3. Okay. So my final question is a simple one. Well, maybe not so simple. Has anyone else been following the um, er, recent scandal involving supermodel, Naomi Campbell and the Cadbury chocolate company? Well, for those of you who might not have been tuned in, Ms. Campbell was threatening to sue the candy company because she believed they had used her name in a racist way to sell their new chocolate bar. The ad read, "Move over Naomi Campbell, there's a new diva in town," and showed a picture of a chocolate bar sitting on a pile of diamonds. You can read the story on the Huffington Post and see a picture of the advert. After Campbell's complaint, the company pulled the ad and issued an apology, but Campbell still chastised them claiming they had insulted Black people the world over for comparing us/them to chocolate. Now here's my question. Did she go too far? I'm having a hard time mustering up my indignity over this one. I mean, she has every right to not want her name on candy bar ad, but she was calling on Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to take up the fight. So, tell me, Meltingpot readers, was there really a fight to be had here? I'm totally listening.

Thanks for reading and helping me find the answers to my most pressing questions.

"Secret Daughter" --An Adoption Story, A Family Story, An Indian Story

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

I just finished the book, Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somaya Gowda. Told from multiple perspectives, the story is about the life of a little girl named Asha. Asha was born in India to a peasant woman whose family did not place any value on females. Rather than have her daughter killed at birth, Asha's mom gives her to an orphanage where she prays a family will adopt her and love her. Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, a young White American woman with a promising future as a doctor and a loving husband discovers she can't have children. Can you guess what happens? Yes, the young doctor and her husband, who happens to be Indian, adopt baby Asha and we discover through the pages of the book how everyone's lives are inextricably changed.

I heard about this book from a good friend and was immediately intrigued by the story idea. The author is Indian and I anticipated an 'authentic' perspective on an often debated topic. I was not disappointed in that the author gave voice to the adoptive mother, the birth mother, the adoptive father, the birth father and Asha herself. We got to be inside of the heads of all of the people involved in this complicated family structure. In many ways, I found it to be a very enlightening novel, especially in hearing the voices of the Indian birth parents and their struggle with the cultural norms that encourage female infanticide, selective sex abortion and the basic devaluing of female life. Gowda does an excellent job at giving each character a unique voice and she doesn't paint anyone as villain or angel.

That being said, I wish the author had given us more of Asha's childhood experience. The story begins on the day of Asha's birth and ends with her finishing college. In between we get glimpses and pieces of high and low points of her life, but I really wanted to hear more about those in-between parts. On the one hand, this is supposed to be Asha's story, but because we have to/get to hear from all of these other characters in alternating chapters, I felt like the reader has to do a lot of filling in the blanks.

Overall, I found the book to be a compelling read. I finished it in about three days. The writing is solid and the descriptions of the sights, sounds and smells of India had me yearning to book a trip to Mumbai as soon as possible. I would recommend Secret Daughter to anyone interested in Indian culture, adoption and/or women's fiction. Ultimately I think this is a story about motherhood and the sacrifices we make in the best interest of our children.

Has anyone else read this book? What did you think about it? Here are two reviews, one positive and one not so positive about Secret Daughter.

I'm listening.

Peace!

When White People Adopt 'Colored' Children... on TV

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

Back in the day, when I went to journalism school, we were taught that when a particular incident occurs three times or more, then officially it is a trend. So as a freelance writer, I'm always looking for trends to write about. And I think I have a new one. It is the White people adopting the child of color story line, now seen on a TV or movie screen near you.

Last night after watching a riveting episode of Grey's Anatomy, I saw a preview for next week's show. And that's when we caught a glimpse of McDreamy (who happens to be White) holding a cute, chubby Black baby and saying to his wife (also White) with fervor and enthusiasm, "Let's adopt this baby!!" (cue the cliffhanger music). I kind of chuckled to myself because Grey's Anatomy already tackles such hot button issues as interracial marriage, gay marriage, Alzheimer's disease, mental illness, virginity by choice, and now they're going to throw in transracial adoption. That's a lot to handle for a one-hour drama.

But then it hit me that the White couple adopting the child of color story line isn't new or maybe even controversial. In fact, one might just call it trendy right now, at least in Hollywood. Think about it. On the wildly popular new show, Modern Family the gay White couple has an adopted baby girl from China. In the movie, Easy A, the White couple with one biological White child, also has an adopted Black son. (Here's a funny clip from the movie). And then, believe it or not, in the Easter flick Hop, the White family at the center of the story has an adopted Asian daughter. But the thing is in all of these examples, the fact that these children are adopted or of another race is so not the issue. In fact, it's almost a non-issue, which I think is a little silly, but we're talking Hollywood so what can one expect?

So, I'm wondering? Is this a good thing for transracial adoption to be the next cool thing to add spice to your sitcom or movie? Does it normalize or trivialize the experience? What do you think? In a weird twist of Life imitating Art, Law & Order actress, Mariska Hargitay recently adopted a Black baby girl. Will that story line enter the Law & Order franchise? Hmmm.

Have you seen other recent examples from Hollywood where a White family adopts a child of color? Tell us about it. I'm listening. Of course.

Peace!

My Life, My Art, My Baby

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

So I promised a big announcement on Monday and here it is. I'm having a baby. Yes, after all of our preparations and excitement with our international adoption, life throws us a curveball. But just to be clear, I have not mentioned our adoption journey for awhile because we had actually put the process on hold because of financial issues. We had actually turned to domestic adoption and we were basically in a wait and see mode.

And then, surprise. And I do say surprise but I won't say accident. I don't think any child should come into the world believing he/ or she was an accident. But surprise is definitely accurate.

All that to say, dear readers, come August the Kinky Gazpacho family will officially become a party of five. And today I found out that the party will be a little pinker, because it's a girl! Yes, I'm thrilled because my boys wanted a sister so badly and I'm sure a daughter will provide so much fodder for my blog. Ha! In the meantime, I'm still reeling over the fact that I'm pregnant again 10 years after the first time. It's a strange place to be in. Anyone with tips on 'starting over' I'm all ears.

Sorry, nobody guessed right for the contest, but I loved all of your ideas. Hopefully some of those good thoughts will come to pass.

And how does this relate to my "art?" Well, now, like Kate Carter in my novel Substitute Me, I just may have to hire a nanny. (But because we don't really roll with the nanny set, this poor child will probably be hidden under my desk most days at Temple. But shhhh, don't tell.)

Peace!

In Honor of National Adoption Awareness Month

Hey Meltingpot Readers,

I'm sure some of you know that November is National Adoption Awareness month and maybe some of your don't. Some of you I know are adoptive parents and some of you may think you have no connection to the world of adoption at all. And I guess that's why this month was created, to make people aware that adoption exists, that it works for building families and probably to help remove the secrecy that formerly surrounded the practice. Or at least that's my take on it. By no means is the month supposed to make people run out to their nearest adoption agency and "place and order."

So to help those of you who might think they don't anyone who was/is adopted, I've decided to compile my own list of "famous" people who were adopted, paying particular attention to those in multicultural families. So in no particular order, these are the 'famous' folks that I know who were adopted and are leading or have led incredible lives.

1. Truman Capote The famous author of In Cold Blood was adopted by his Cuban stepfather. That's how got that lyrical last name. Sadly his macho Cuban stepfather never approved of Capote's somewhat feminine habits which made their relationship strained.)

2. Marcus Sammuelsson. The wildly successful Ethiopian born chef was adopted and raised in Sweeden. Samuelsson originally made his mark as a Swedish chef, but his sense "rediscovered his roots" and now stakes his claim on world cuisine. His newest restaurant venture is in Harlem and is called the Red Rooster

3. Mae Walker. The granddaughter and heiress to hair care entrepreneur and millionaire Madam CJ Walker was adopted at age thirteen.

4. Victoria Rowell. The now tripple threat Rowell is best known as a soap opera actress, but she's also now an author, documenting her childhood in a book called, The Women Who Raised Me.

5. Kim Sunee. The journalist and author of the delicious memoir, Trail of Crumbs.

Okay those are five off the top of my head. These are the people whose life stories inspire their extraordinary lives so I remember the adoption part of it. And so in a way, their adoptions touch my life. Who can you add to the list?

Peace.

Color Blind: A Memoir by Precious Williams

Imagine if finding a child to adopt/foster was as easy as looking in the back pages of a magazine called Nursery World and scrolling through descriptions that read like, "attractive baby girl of Nigerian origin' available.

That's how Nigerian-born, but British-based journalist Precious Williams came to live with her 57-year-old foster mother who went by the name of "Nanny" and who had a penchant for fostering 'colored' children. It sounds too unbelievable to be true, but Color Blind is very much the true story of how Williams grew up from an infant to a young woman -- being shuttled back and forth between her cold, distant Nigerian mother and her well-intentioned but ill-equipped (to be raising a little Black girl in 1970s England) 'Nanny.'

Color Blind initially attracted me because I wanted to read about the Black girl in a White world experience across the pond. But Williams' memoir isn't an every girl's story because her family circumstances were quite particular. Her mother never gave her up for adoption, and in fact, haphazardly swooped in and out of Precious' life, often bringing chaos and confusion to her daughter's already convoluted world. Meanwhile, her foster family doted on her, but they were never allowed to be her 'real' family, nor did they truly comprehend that raising a Black child required a different set of skills than they innately possessed.

Color Blind is a bittersweet coming of age story that will surely make your heart ache. I also found myself angry and intrigued by the seemingly lax system of oversight for foster parenting in the United Kingdom and I'm curious if that system is still in place today. The book is beautifully written and you can't help but hope for a happy ending for the author, which she seems to be having as her life continues to unfold. To catch up with Williams these days, check out her website. But first read the book.

Peace!

November Issue of Redbook Tackles Adoption

Meltingpot Readers,

Not too long ago, I didn't want to admit that I'd outgrown Glamour magazine and now found myself drawn to Redbook for my fix of glossy pictures, fluffy reading and the occasional useful article to help me organize/spruce up/ pare down my hectic lifestyle.

But I'm here to tell you, after grabbing the November issue of Redbook off the shelf yesterday, I am officially declaring my conversion. Yes, I've grown up and Redbook is my new glossy of choice. It's probably no coincidence that the new Editor in Chief of Redbook is a former Glamour editor, so Redbook looks a lot more hip and trendy, fun and classy. It doesn't feel like that older lady's magazine it used to. But it's more than that. There are articles in there that I actually wanted to read, about issues that I care about. And I'm not just talking about the sex secrets of married women article either (although that was really useful.)

I actually picked up the magazine because the cover model is actress Katherine Heigl. I'm not a huge Heigl fan, but the cover line promised the story behind her adoption. Well, not only do we get that story -- as well as photos of Heigl's Korean daughter -- but the magazine also includes a three-page spread on adoption in support of National Adoption month. I'd love to hear what other people in the adoption world think about this "mainstream" coverage. I was impressed as adoption in women's mags is usually only discussed as it relates to celebrities or horror stories.

Another thing I appreciated about the new and improved Redbook were the images of women of color. There was a decent variation of skin color and hair textures throughout, in both the ads and in editorial. In that realm we can always do better, but I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of diversity.

Good for you Redbook. Anybody else been reading Redbook lately? What do you think? Do you have a glossy guilty pleasure? Let's hear it.

Peace!

White Mommies, Black Girl, Riveting Film

Last night I watched the second film of a three-part documentary series on PBS about adoption. The movie was called Off and Running and tackled the issue of transracial adoption. On the surface, Off and Running followed the journey of a young African-American teen -- Avery Klein-Cloud, adopted by White lesbian mothers, who was searching for her birth mother. But Avery's real quest was to find herself.

Like most documentaries, this film did an excellent job allowing the main subject, Avery, to tell her own story simply by watching her carry-on in her everyday life. When the film opens, Avery is sending off the first letter to her birth mom, asking for answers about her origins and her birth family. It's only after the birth mother stops responding to Avery's request for contact, that things start spiraling out of control in the Klein-Cloud household.

I don't want to give away too much of what happens, but it's not like this is a movie of the week. In fact, if you'd like to stop reading here, and go watch the film on the POV website, then please do... but then come back. The point I'm trying to make is that what happens to Avery as she struggles with trying to discover what it means to be Black, was quite predictable. At least to me it was. It was sad to watch, and yet nothing surprised me. The more Avery felt rejected by her birthmother, the more she rebelled against her White mothers, and the more she sought out the company of other Black people to, "teach her how to be more African-American." The choices she made, the people she started hanging out with, the predicament she found herself in, and yes, even the way she started wearing her hair (can you say weave?) all come straight from the 'how to be Black in America' handbook. I should know, because even though I was raised by my Black parents, I was always surrounded by White people and felt woefully underprepared to be an authentic Black girl in America.

That being said, what was brilliant about the film is that Avery also had two adopted brothers. Her older brother is Black and Puerto Rican, and her younger brother is Korean. And whereas Avery struggled so profoundly with her racial identity, her older brother did not. Or at least, from what we saw in the film, he did not. So his presence in the film forced me and any other person watching to acknowledge that while Avery's journey may feel familiar, it isn't necessarily the norm. Every child who is transracially adopted will have their own journey and their own struggles. And hopefully, their parents will have the confidence and grace to help them get through it.

I can't say I loved the film, because in some ways it was painful to watch. Many times I wanted to jump into the TV and shake little Avery and tell her that the way she was trying to reconcile her past with her present was just making things worse. And other times I wanted to shake her parents and tell them that they were doing things all wrong. But I think at the end of the day, that's what good documentaries are supposed to make you do. Shake your fist at injustice and then get off your ass and do something about it.

Did anyone else watch the movie? What did you think?

I'm listening.

Peace!

Read This! Watch That! Listen Here!

Meltingpot readers,

I had so much to say today. About God. About Grace. About writing. But I don't have time so I'm going to tell you to:

1. Read Mary Karr's new memoir, Lit for a beautiful story on writing, drinking, redemption and finding God in the details. I'm still buzzing about it.

2. And while you're contemplating God in everyday life, try rocking out to this song, "Rusty Halo" by my new favorite band, The Script.

3. And then when you think your heart is filled with grace, tune into to PBS to watch three amazing new documentaries about adoption that promise to tell the truth about international, transracial and older-child adoption. Click here for more information and trailers.

Make it a wonderful weekend.

Peace!

Adoption is Complicated, Even in Fiction

Meltingpot Readers,

For the last couple of years I've been obsessively reading anything and everything I could get my hands on that dealt with adoption. I have a gazillion adoption blogs bookmarked, I have a subscription to Adoptive Families magazine and I've read a lot of 'What to Expect When You're Adopting' books and memoirs by adoptees. I even read one really great novel, The English American which features an adult adoptee protagonist searching for her birth parents.

But I just finished reading a new book, Chosen by first-time novelist Chandra Hoffman that gave me completely new -- and often uncomfortable -- insights on the complicated world of adoption. From the adoption agencies to the adoptive parents, Chosen examines the perspectives of everyone involved in an adoption plan. Now a full-time writer and mother of three, Hoffman worked in an orphanage in Romania and as the director of a domestic adoption program in the United States, so the story she tells in Chosen feels very real.

The story is really about a young case worker named Chloe Pinter who takes a job at the Chosen Adoption Agency because she thinks bringing families together is a noble cause. In alternating chapters we hear from a set of birth parents who life has kicked around a few times too many, the adoptive parents who have an excess of money but lack a certain warmth, and another couple who struggled with infertility but eventually get pregnant, but they still maintain a connection with the Agency.

I'd label the book an adoption thriller because there is definitely a plot twist that will have you turning pages faster than you can read them. But also, just the very nature of domestic adoption where one never knows if birth mother will place, if adoptive parents will be picked, if the child will be happy... it all feels like a roller coaster of emotions anyway. I was tense while reading the whole book. But I'm glad I read it because I really feel like I learned a lot more about the business of adoption, how agencies work and some crucial insights into why a woman might choose adoption for her child. I cried a few times while reading.

The book comes out on the same day as Substitute Me, August 24, 2010.

Peace!

My Hair, My Adoption, My Daughter

So today is a big day. I'm cutting off my dredlocks. Please, no shrieks of dismay. This is like the fifth or sixth set of locs I've had. It will grow back. I'm actually pretty sure that I'll be locking my hair again in the future because I love the versatility of the style.

So why the chop? The main reason is because I'm just so tempted to try all of these great new products for kinky/curly hair like mine, product lines like Kinky-Curly and Miss Jessie's. Seriously, these specialized, mostly all-natural shampoos, leave-in conditioners, and curl cremes are just proliferating and, even better, are being sold in regular stores like Target and Whole Foods instead of exclusively online or in upscale salons.

The other reason I'm cutting off my locs is because one day soon I am going to have a little daughter with kinky hair and full disclosure Meltingpot readers...Even though I wrote this award-winning book on the history and culture of Black hair, I don't know nothin' bout doin' no hair. I mean really, the list of styles I know how to do begins and ends with ponytails. My daughter will hate me if I don't get some new techniques down. And I must also get up to date on all of the new products on the market because I'm pretty sure the blue grease my mom used to use on my hair doesn't cut it anymore. So I'm practicing on me for my future child.

And there's one other thing. This is really minor, but I did consider it. I have heard that dredlocks are not seen in a very positive light in Ghana. That could be totally wrong or a belief only held by a select few, but it did occur to me that I wouldn't want the people in the Ghanaian social welfare department to decide I might not be a fit mother because I wear "that" hairstyle. If I wore my hair in locs for political or religious reasons I certainly wouldn't change them but for me it's just a style.

So there you have it.

The truth from soon to be Lori Loc-less.

Peace.

Almost A Party of Five...

Last week I received a phone call that almost changed my life. We were asked if we could be ready to care for a Haitian orphan being whisked out of Haiti within the next 48-72 hours.

As some of you know, our Kinky Gazpacho family has been considering the idea of adopting a "baby sister" into our male dominated family for awhile. We had actually started the process of a domestic adoption but had to put our plans on hold when we were blindsided by an unexpected financial snafu.

So this phone call, while completely unexpected, was not completely out of the blue. We were on somebody's list because it was known we were looking to adopt.

So for the last eight days I was living with the belief that a two-year-old little girl might be joining our family in a very short amount of time. And guess what, I was thrilled. I did a quick inventory of what type of baby equipment we still have on hand. Toddler bed? Check. Car seat? Check. Highchair? Check. One single item of female clothing? Nada.

The interesting thing about this whole experience, is how little I cared about knowing anything more about this child except that she needed a safe, loving place to land. Before, when we were first contemplating adoption, my biggest concern was making sure I had every slip of information about the child's background. No records? No deal. That was my motto, which is why we ultimately chose domestic adoption.

As it turns out, the little girl who we thought might be our "baby sister" is not being released from Haiti. It's a long story and I am not really surprised. As the days slipped by after the initial phone call and more and more information about restrictions on what children were being allowed to leave Haiti emerged, our hope began to fade. And yet, we are also feeling blessed by this experience.

El esposo and I both realized that if we are going to adopt a child, then we can/should/will adopt a child in need of a loving home. Other than that, the requirements are really minimal. We don't have to adopt a multiracial child so that she'll look like her brothers. We don't have to have health records for the child's great grandparents to ensure that diabetes doesn't run in the family. Don't get me wrong, I'd still be grateful to have health records, but I guess I'm just realizing that I'm not as shallow as I thought I was. Adoption doesn't have to be about finding a child to replicate what you already have. In fact, if I tried to find a child "just like my sons" only without a penis, I'd set everyone up for failure...and probably heartbreak.

So, where do we go from here? I'm not entirely sure, but we're going to get our paperwork completed to make sure if the phone rings again, we'll be ready. And I'm feeling kind of optimistic all over again.

If you have any interest in adopting from Haiti, you can check out this website which was suggested to me. I think they have some current information about the status of adoptions right now. Obviously there is going to be a great need to take care of Haiti's orphaned children in the wake of the earthquake, but at the same time, a rush to get them out of the country isn't the immediate answer. It is going to take time to process the newly orphaned children and just rebuild a system of order. In the meantime, there's still much to do to help the children. For ideas, you can also check out one of my favorite blogs by the original Party of Five bloggers, Heather and Braydon, who adopted the cutest twin boys from Haiti five years ago.

And while we're on the subject of adoptions... Maybe you just want to read a really good novel about adoption. One with a little romance, birth parent reunions and a lot of humor. If so, then you should definitely check out Alison Larkin's heartfelt and humorous debut novel, The English American. I just finished it and really liked it. It was a great story --English woman comes to America to reunite with her loopy, redneck birth parents-- but it also gave me some really good insight into the real issues of an adopted child.

Have a great weekend.

Peace!

What do "fiery Spanish tempers" have to do with adoption?

Meltingpot readers, I am hoping you can help.

The other day my five-year old son threw a major temper tantrum in the middle of his brother's guitar lesson. Basically his DVD wasn't playing what he wanted it to. Trauma that only a tired kindergartner can relate to, but I digress.

Without much fanfare I dragged him out of the classroom into the hallway where he could finish his growling and wailing in peace and his brother could finish his lesson. These things happen. So after the lesson his teacher came out and assured me that she wasn't bothered and in fact, she understood the five-year old's display of emotion only too well.

"I understand perfectly. He can't help it. It's in his blood," she said. "My mother is from the south of Spain too and she was the same way. Very emotional."

Okay, since his teacher is Puerto Rican and she had told us that her mother was from Sevilla I did not take offense at this comment but I did think it was a sweeping generalization and that more than his Southern Spanish blood it was his tired five-year-old body that was making my son act a fool. But she kept insisting that my son was simply a product of his genes and his emotions were wont to get the best of him.

"My mother was always yelling and screaming," she said with a nostalgic smile on her face.

So I wasn't really bothered by her comment, and in fact I kind of chuckled as I recounted the story to my husband. We both got a laugh out of it since in our Kinky Gazpacho household I am the emotional one and if our boys are high strung and emotional we figure they get that from me.

So what do fiery Spanish tempers have to do with adoption? Well, as we contemplate adding a wee little girl to this house, I wonder what happens when people make those kind of comments about your adopted child, not knowing that they are adopted? Do you correct them and say, well it's impossible that her temper comes from her Spanish blood because she's adopted? Of course in a situation like that, you could probably smile and move on but what happens when the comments are coming from the family members themselves?

What I mean is, it is so common for family members, myself included, to look at our children and try to figure out where they got certain behaviors from. My older son's shyness we peg that to el esposo. The younger one's penchant for drama? That's all me. I know this could evolve into a nature vs nurture discussion, but I'm just wondering what do you do for the adopted child so that they feel part of the discussion? Naturally and not forced. Do you consciously avoid such discussions in front of your children? Do you warn other family members to do the same? Curious if anyone has an opinion? In the meantime, I'll go check if anything has been written on the subject in Adoptive Families magazine.

Peace.