The Other Mothers of Manhattan

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

Boy, did the cover image on yesterday's New York Times magazine take my breath away. The cover line reads, "The Other Mothers of Manhattan." It is a photo essay of Manhattan's nannies. It is the real-life version of my novel, Substitute Me. The accompanying essay is by Mona Simpson and it is hauntingly familiar, all of the issues it raises. But the best part is this audio slide show. Check it out and let me know what thoughts come to mind.

I know I too hate the word nanny. It sounds so elitist and not a word I am comfortable using. And yet to call a grown woman a babysitter doesn't sit well either. What do you call your child's caregiver? What do you think of this story?

I'm listening.

Peace!

Independence Day, Freedom and One More Black Chef

Hercules
photo by Virginia.org

Happy Fourth of July, Meltingpot Readers!

I don't know about you, but as an adult, the Fourth of July just isn't as much fun as it was when I was a child. Growing up, the 4th was my favorite holiday. We decorated our bikes, participated in the neighborhood parades, played old-fashioned games at the park and ate ice cream. At night, it was a big family bar-b-cue followed by fireworks down by the lake.

Now that we live in Philadelphia, the birthplace of the nation, you'd think the 4th would be an even bigger deal, but somehow the thrill is gone for me. And part of the reason is that when we talk about celebrating our independence, the great hypocrisy of an independent nation with enslaved individuals as the backbone of the country's success, just doesn't sit well with me. What are we truly celebrating?

But, I'm not mad. I love this country and the independent spirit that defines it. And like I always do, I have found the way to honor 'my people' and their unique contributions to independence. So, instead of praising the founding fathers who saw fit to reduce their slaves to less than human status in their declaration of independence, I am celebrating the Black men and women who fought for their own independence, instead of waiting for it.

Since I have Black chefs on the mind and George Washington is kind all over the 4th of July holiday, I'm celebrating the life and courage of Washington's excellent (enslaved) chef, Hercules. Known only by his first name, Hercules ruled the presidential kitchen with an iron skillet, replaced the previous White chef because his culinary skills were just that good, and was a budding entrepreneur who enjoyed a respected status in Free Black society in 18th century Philadelphia. But still, he was slave and that didn't sit well with him. So he planned and executed a flawless escape. He fled on Washington's 65th birthday, never to be heard from again. Now that's freedom and independence I can celebrate. To read more about Hercules, and his culinary genius, check out this link.

And however you celebrate this day, make it a good one! BTW, we're having tacos for dinner before the fireworks. That's the Meltingpot way.

Peace!

Happy Loving Day! A Day Late...

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

Yesterday was Loving Day. Did you remember to celebrate? I kind of forgot. But just like I feel like every day is Martin Luther King, Jr. day when you're Black in America, every day is Loving Day when you're a Black woman, married to a Spanish man and you have three brownish kids. I mean, we celebrate interracial marriage being legal every morning we wake up in the same bed together. Ya dig?

That being said, there are some things I would like to do in honor of the great sacrifice Mildred and Richard Loving did in order to have their marriage recognized by their home state of Virginia. Namely, I'd like to fly my entire Kinky Gazpacho family to the Mixed Roots Film and Literary Festival this weekend in Los Angeles. But it ain't gonna happen, because we just don't have the funds this year. (sigh) But we'll get there hopefully next year.

I'd also like to get a chance to see the new documentary about the Lovings, The Loving Story. It's being screened at Mixed Roots, but you already know, I won't be there. (bigger sigh). Here's the trailer.



I'm not sure when I'll be able to see the film, so in the meantime, to satisfy my Loving Day wanderlust, I'll probably just troll the internet and look for all of the slideshows that feature 'our favorite celebrity interracial couples.' I admit, it's a guilty pleasure. But one I really only indulge in, on Loving Day. I swear.

Okay, dear readers. Did you do anything to celebrate Loving Day? Are you going to? Let's hear it. You know I'm listening.

Peace!

"Who's an American Indian?"

Hello Meltingpot Readers,

Happy Memorial Day!

I was going to take the day off from writing today, since it is a national holiday, but then I came across this article penned by Jesse Washington of the Associate Press. The article is titled, "Who's an American Indian?" and it examines the claim by senate candidate Elizabeth Warren that she is part Native American.

It's a fascinating story that touches on the pervasive myth that we all have a Native American ancestor lurking in the branches of our family trees. I know for Black people, that mythical Indian ancestor is always linked to the relative with the 'good hair.' Like, "She has good hair because our great-grandmother was part Cherokee." Sometimes 'good hair' is just referred to, in the Black community, as "Indian hair."

But I digress. Elizabeth Warren is very much a White woman, so she's not interested in 'good hair.' Some people allege she's claiming Native ancestry to gain campaign votes. Read the story and see for yourself. I think a critical point that Washington makes in the report is that there is a difference between claiming Native ancestry (which many people may have) and calling yourself a Native American because your great-great-great grandmother on your daddy's side, was part Cherokee.

What do you think, dear readers? Should Warren have kept her mouth shut about her heritage? Do you think if you're going to claim Native ancestry you should have to do something to prove your allegiance to the tribe? I'm totally listening.

Peace!

W. Kamu Bell Brings the Funny to Race, Politics and Black Hair

Hello Meltingpot Readers,

Have you heard of comedienne W. Kamu Bell? Once again I was over at Racialicious when I stumbled across this great article about Bell, who is about to get his own comedy news show --produced by Chris Rock -- on the FX. I can't believe I've never heard of Bell until now, especially since his brand of humor is so Meltingpot ready. And because he has great hair. One of his most famous shows is called, Ending Racism in About an Hour. In that show he covers interracial dating, Black hair, and all things Obama. *squeal*

Rather than try to explain how funny he is, how about you just take a look and laugh for yourself. Both clips are from the Ending Racism show.

Here's Bell on Black hair:


Here's Bell on Interracial Relationships.

A Black Man and A Mormon Walk into a Bar...

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

I'm sorry for not posting yesterday, but I'm in the middle of correcting final exams. And because I teach writing courses, my 'exams' are long papers and projects so, dear readers, the blog gets neglected. But I can't leave you without something to chew on this week. So, please take a peek at the following article peened by two AP writers on The Black Guy and The Mormon Who Want to Be President of the USA. That's my headline, not theirs. Their headline is a little more understated: "Race, Religion Collide in 2012 Election." But still, it's a good story. Check it out please and let me know.

What effect, if any, do you think Romney's religion will have on voters? What do you think is easier to 'ignore?' Race or religion?

You know I'm listening.

Peace!

Hipster Racism: It's Everywhere!

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

If you're anything like me --which I assume you are because you're reading this blog -- headlines with the words 'hipster racism' in them catch your eye. Well, last week, blogger Lindy West posted an article titled A Complete Guide to 'Hipster Racism,' on Jezebel.com. The article was tweeted, liked and re-sent all around the internet. Many of you probably saw it. Many of you might have agreed with much of the author's opinions and ideas. I did. Many of you might of spent way too much time reading the hundreds of comments on the post and arguing out loud with some of them. I did that too.

But for the rest of you who never heard the phrase, 'hipster racism,' or who like me, erroneously thought the phrase was coined by West, then please take a moment to school yourself over at racialicous.com where they break down the history of hipster racism and remind us that they've been keeping track of this insidious brand of racist thought since 2006.

But at the end of the day, I have to ask. Isn't racism by any other name, still just racism?

How would you define hipster racism? 'm listening.

Peace!

The Black Man's Code for Children: A Dad's Perspective on Trayvon Martin

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

Thank you all so much for the thoughtful comments on my last post about Trayvon Martin. I don't have time today to respond to them all, but I have read each one. It is heartening to know that other people believe we shouldn't burden our youngest children with the fear of 'walking while Black.' Instead, we should give them time to grow up before informing them of the ugliness that resides in the world.

That being said, I wanted to call attention to the following article, written by AP writer, Jesse Washington, which provides the opposite viewpoint to the matter. Albeit reluctantly, Washington told his son about the Black Male Code of Conduct after news of the Trayvon Martin case broke. Here's an excerpt of what he wrote.

" I thought my son would be much older before I had to tell him about the Black Male Code. He's only 12, still sleeping with stuffed animals, still afraid of the dark. But after the Trayvon Martin tragedy, I needed to explain to my child that soon people might be afraid of him."


To read the rest of Jesse's story, which also includes the viewpoints of other Black men who felt they had to explain "the code," to their sons, follow this link.


I'm curious if Jesse's perspective changes anyone's mind? Do we need to protect our sons or can we safely keep them 'ignorant.?' It probably isn't an either or question. I say it still really depends on the child's age and maturity level, as well as their level of independence in the world. Ultimately, every parent has to decide how they want to raise their children, but it sure is complicated and of course, nobody wants to mess up.


Thoughts? I'm still listening.


Peace!

The Tragedy of Trayvon Martin: A Mother's Perspective, A Meltingpot Perspective

Hello Meltingpot Readers,

I've been avoiding you. I've been avoiding this topic. Sometimes I just want to hide from the news and hope it will all just go away. But of course it won't. And hiding doesn't help.

So, let's get to it.

If for any reason you don't know who Trayvon Martin is, I'll just send you here to read the facts of the story. I think it goes without saying, that the greatest tragedy in this case is that a child -- yes, a 17-year-old is a child -- had his life violently stolen from him. His final moments on this earth were spent at the hands of a deranged and evil man. His mother and father now have to wake up every single morning for the rest of their lives knowing that their son died alone and afraid.

That is the tragedy of this story.

Now comes the injustice.

The man who murdered Trayvon, George Zimmerman, is not in jail. He's not in police custody. He's walking the streets of Florida a free man. With a gun! The same gun he used to assassinate  an unarmed 17-year-old. I cannot wrap my mind around that fact. Let's review. Man follows teen around the neighborhood because he suspects he's up to 'no good.' Teen does nothing but walk while Black. Zimmerman confronts teen, shoots him dead, tells police what he did, witnesses confirm the facts and he's still not in jail. This is the most insane miscarriage of justice I've ever heard. Zimmerman claims he was acting in self-defense -- using Florida's insane Stand Your Ground Law as protection -- and that's that. He's free.

So, using Zimmerman's logic, the good citizens of Florida can walk around killing people who they deem to be dangerous, based entirely on stereotypes and perceived threats. How is that law supposed to protect people? It sounds like a path to anarchy and vigilantism.

What To Tell Our Children?

A reader asked me -- since I previously posted about racism being too stressful to talk to kids about -- how to explain the Trayvon Martin tragedy to kids. And it's taken me a while to figure it out myself.

Okay, here's the Meltingpot Mother answer to that question. Feel free to agree or disagree at will. With the anger and grief I feel about this case, I admit, it's been very difficult to know what to say to my kids about this. I don't want to scare them and I don't want them to carry this burden. My two brown boys are 10 and seven. And in consultation with el esposo, we have decided not to tell them about Trayvon Martin. They don't watch the news and it has not been discussed at school. If they do hear about Trayvon, I will tell them that a young boy was senselessly murdered by a crazy man. I will not bring race into the story. Here's why.

I remember watching a documentary about nuclear war when I was about 10 years old. It scared me so badly, I had nightmares for years. I knew nuclear war was a real threat and I also knew I could do nothing to prevent it from happening. I lived in such terror because of that film. I wasn't ready for that knowledge. Likewise, if I tell my sons, that people shoot Black boys because they are racist, because people think Black boys are violent and delinquent, or simply because they can, what are my sons supposed to do with that information except fear for their life? I think that's my job. Which after this incident, I fear even more. But I'm an adult and I can handle it. They are children.

How do I want my boys to move through this world? Fearful and eventually angry? No. I want them to embrace life and all of its wonderful possibilities. I don't want them to be afraid to walk to the store to buy candy or travel outside of their comfort zones. But I'm not stupid either. I am aware of the world we live in and --now more than ever. I know people like George Zimmerman exist in abundance. So, while I don't couch it in terms of race or violence, I don't let my sons wear certain clothes. I demand a certain level of courtesy and behavior in public that they probably think is overkill, but I think is cautionary. I don't let them play with guns. Ever. Because, sadly, a little brown boy playing with a water gun, can be mistaken for a killer.

George Zimmerman already stole one childhood, he's not going to steal two more. As my sons age, I will begin to feed them more of the real story. I plan to give them age appropriate doses of racial reality. It's kind of like the sex talk. You don't tell your seven year olds -- I hope -- everything about sex. You give them the sanitized version. As they approach puberty you start getting into the details. You can start having nuanced and sometimes uncomfortable conversations about sex as your child matures and starts experiencing some of the things you've been talking about. It's a model I use for the race talks. I encourage others to try this method of thinking. What are your kids able to handle? Would you tell your eight-year-old daughter about birth-control pills and STD's? Probably not, because she's not going to need that information for several years and you might scare the bejeezus out of her.

Some people might disagree with me and that's quite okay. But I believe in preserving the innocence of children as long as possible so that they have time to form a solid sense of self-identity before that identity is attacked by society. A strong foundation is the key to a stable sense of self-worth. Burden a child with the horrors of this world when they're too young and you poke holes in that foundation.

I'd love to hear how others are talking about Trayvon to their children.

I'm so listening.

Peace!

Burning Questions About Jeremy Lin, Basketball and the NBA

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

I think you'd have to be living under a rock to not know something about Jeremy Lin. He's the Chinese-American, Harvard grad, who according to reports, has single-handedly turned the New York Knicks basketball team around from a losing streak to, #winning!

His story is a NBA fairy tale. Passed over for a permanent position in the NBA, Lin was sleeping on his brother's couch waiting for a miracle. One came when he got a short-term contract to play for the Knicks. During that time he played so well, he was offered an official contract and Lin-sanity ensues. He's on the cover of magazines, on ESPN, endorsement deals are rolling in, his name has inspired any number of clever puns, and the entire country of China now suddenly cares about basketball. Okay, that last part is a stretch, but still.

So, that's the glossed over, layman's description of the Jeremy Lin saga. So here are my burning questions.

1. Yes the 'from sleeping on my brother's couch to NBA star' is a compelling tale. And yes, there are less than five other Ivy league grads in the NBA, but can we all admit that the reason Jeremy Lin is such a fascinating figure is that he is Chinese?

2. If the answer to the above is yes, what does that say about our collective racist group think mentality? That is, why is it so amazing that a Chinese-American can play professional level basketball? Is it okay to just say, well, it's just that we just never see Chinese people playing in the NBA so it's so different. Or should we not be asking ourselves what is truly underlying these feelings of shock and awe?

3. Is there a difference between Lin-sanity and what we experienced when we saw Venus Williams take home her first Grand Slam trophy? Or when Tiger Woods donned his first green jacket? I think so. With Venus Williams and Tiger Woods the conversation was about access. If given access, wouldn't more Black kids play (and dominate) tennis and/or golf? But with Jeremy Lin, aren't we all just surprised that Asian men can jump? Why is that?

4. For those of you who have been following Lin's career, aren't you happy that he is so humble and a total cutie pie?

5. And finally, why do you think more Asian players aren't in the NBA? Answer that if you dare.

Okay, enlighten me with your wisdom, dear readers. I'm listening.

Peace!

Is Racism too Stressful to Talk About?

Hello Meltingpot Readers,

My son is in the fifth grade. Recently they had to take those fill-in-the-bubble tests that supposedly test achievement. As part of the test, the kids have to fill in a bubble that describes their racial background. The teacher sent a note home saying that that requirement instigated a very thoughtful conversation about race and racism in the classroom. The take-away from the discussion, however, was that the kids believed it was just plain racist and always wrong to even talk about race. Yikes!

Faster than you can say NAACP, I was composing an email to the teacher, offering my services to come and lead a workshop to the fifth grade about how to talk about race with ease and comfort. But before I hit send, I remembered a recent study I read about on MyBrownBaby.com that suggested children need to be shielded from stress and strife as much as possible. Here's an excerpt from the article that gave me pause.

"... adolescence in particular is a vulnerable time for kids because that is when they are starting to isolate themselves from the family, meaning they have fewer supports available to them. Sinha says we need to give children time to develop their stress systems, which will provide them with the tools to deal with adversity as they become older. But if too much adversity comes at an early age, those tools will remain stunted and not fully available to them, perhaps throughout their lives."

If there's one thing I know to be stressful, it's the concept of race and racism. It stresses me out when I allow myself to think about all of the injustice in this world that comes at the hands of a racist system. On the other hand, I know that my parents did an excellent job shielding me from the ugliness of racism for almost my entire childhood and I feel I am the confident Black woman I am today because of it. My only gripe is that in "shielding" me from racism, they also shielded me from feeling any pride in my African-American heritage. I grew up feeling like I didn't belong to any particular ethnic group. I had to teach myself what it meant to be Black, a lesson I didn't start to learn until I was 18.

So, back to my own kids. Of course I want to teach them to feel proud of their heritage, both Black and Spanish. And until now, I kind of thought it was okay to give them a hearty dose of honesty when it came to the painful history and lingering injustice that permeates a colored person's life. But now I'm not so sure. I don't want to do what my parents did and act like race isn't an issue, but I also don't want to burden them with the sins of the past.

Here's what's on my agenda for this weekend. We're going to see Red Tails (the movie about the Tuskegee Airmen) and our read-aloud book is about the young Harriet Tubman. This is just coincidence but is it too much? What do you think, dear readers? How do you teach your children about race, without adding stress? I'm so listening.

Peace!

It's Not Racist If It's About Your Own People: Old Jews Tell Jokes

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

My boss is Jewish. I'm Black.

The other day, I showed him the "Shit Black Girls Say to White Girls Video." He hadn't heard about it. He watched, he laughed. He asked me how much of the phrases in the video I'd heard before. I told him, most, if not all. It was a tiny teachable moment.

Then he showed me something, a website called Old Jews Telling Jokes. I watched. I laughed. I asked him if all old Jews were funny. Turns out they are. I'm kidding. Oy! But still another tiny teachable moment for me. I'd never heard about this site, nor thought of old Jewish people in the pantheon of great comedians. Check out the website and prepare to be amused, but also to learn a little a bit too.

I think it's all about exposure, people. And humor. So, here's a (PG-13) Jewish funny for you. Enjoy.





Peace!

For Dr. King

Hello Meltingpot Readers,

Believe it or not, today is my official first day back to work after my gloriously long maternity leave. (sigh) But my kids and el esposo are off working on a Martin Luther King, Jr. Day of Service. For you all, whatever you have to do today, work, play, or serve, just take a moment to remember the man and his dream.

Peace!

White Girls, Black Girls: Watch the Video

Hello Meltingpot Readers,

I'm only like ten days late to the party, but I finally watched the viral video that's gotten the whole world talking about race relations between White girls and Black girls. If you're as far removed from YouTube as I am and haven't seen the video, take a peek.



Okay, what did you think? Me? I am still laughing. I just think it's high-larious, mostly because almost everything parodied in the video, I've had someone say to me. That's what makes it funny to me, because I can totally relate. I've heard some people find the clip racist, which I think is misguided. I can understand  if people might think it's offensive, but not racist. Mostly, I hope the video simply does what Franchesca Ramsey intended, which is to get people comfortable talking about race. (Thanks This Nigerian-American Life for making me finally watch.)

So, dear readers, what's your take on the video? Is it funny or does it offend? Is it any worse than the average stand-up comedy routine? Do you think it will have any effect on race relations between Blacks and Whites? And why have four million people tuned in to watch?

I'm listening.

Peace!

Asians Passing for White

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

My friend Jesse Washington, recently penned an interesting article for the Associated Press on a fairly recent trend of Asian students trying to "hide" their Asian heritage when applying to college. Although most colleges would deny it, there seems to be a higher threshold Asian applicants have to meet in regards to their grade point average and SAT scores. Since Asian students in general out perform Whites, Blacks, Latinos and Native Americans on tests and in grades, in order for colleges not to have a disproportionate number of Asians in their classes, they make it harder for them to get in. Or at least that seems to be the case. Most schools don't want to go on the record saying this is true. But students, parents and high school guidance counselors seem to think it is and thus this new trend.

So, how does one hide the fact that they are Asian? Well, a person can not check the "race box" on the application, but an Asian surname pretty much ruins that trick. So, who is really playing the race game here? It's the kids who only have one Asian parent. The Asian mixies. The Hapas, if you will. The ones who can "pass for White," as did the handful of kids interviewed in the story.

On the one hand, I feel for any kid who is discriminated against because of his ethnic background. Especially if that discrimination comes from über achievement! How does that feel? 'Uh, We're sorry but you and your people are just too smart. We don't want you here at our institution of higher learning.' (sigh)

But on the other hand, the meltingpot in me chafes at the idea that these kids are passing for White. And my discomfort with it has nothing to do with college admissions. Any time a person feels the need to cover up/hide/deny the colored part of their heritage in order to get ahead, is a tragedy. I don't have any solutions to offer these kids in this horrible predicament, but I know for a fact that lying about who you are can never lead to good things.

So Meltingpot readers, what do you think Asian kids should do when facing discrimination in the admissions process? What do you think our colleges and universities should do to address the problem? And, should a kid with only one Asian parent, be placed in the same category of Asian as the kid with two? Isn't this tricky?

I'm totally listening.

Peace!

A White Woman and a Black Man Walk into a Church in Kentucky...

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

So did you hear about the church in Kentucky that recently decided to ban interracial couples from joining their congregation? If you have no idea what I'm talking about, here's a brief article from the Huffington Post to catch you up on the  shenanigans.

My favorite part of that story is that the church board decided that interracial couples could attend church services but could not officially join the congregation, nor participate in church activities, "except for funerals." Why funerals I wonder? Does death trump racism? Or maybe a funeral, just ain't a funeral without a negro in attendance? I'm just wondering.

But before anyone gets really angry, there's good news up ahead. Once the church members discovered that it was against state and federal law to ban interracial couples from the church, they decided their previous vote didn't count. Now, everyone is welcome to worship at the Gulnare Free Will Baptist Church. Don't you feel better now? I'm sure there's going to be a long line of colored folks banging on those church doors asking to praise the Lord with the fine folks at Gulnare who have recently seen the light.

Okay, I'm going to get serious here for a second. One, I'm not surprised that this happened. I'm not surprised because I know that racism is still very much alive in this country and the world. I know that many people -- of all colors and stripes -- believe that folks should just stick with their own kind when it comes to marriage.

But I'm going to try to sympathize with this congregation, give them the benefit of the doubt. Gulnare Free Will Baptist  is a tiny church in Appalachia. Now, I'm no Appalachian expert, but I do know that there aren't a ton of Black people in them thar hills. It's very easy to stay rooted in ignorance and stereotypes when there's nobody around to challenge your belief system. Perhaps now that their peculiar brand of "ignorance" has been shown to the world and they have been shamed, they will begin to change their ways. Maybe. I said, maybe.

Here's a clip from the church's pastor who suggests that maybe that will happen.



What do you think? Can anything good come from this painful moment? Like what? And is anyone else wondering if the young White woman who dragged her African fiance to the church truly believed that the congregation would welcome her with open arms? Or was she just hoping to heat things up and bring the church into the 21st century?

I'm so totally listening.

Peace!

Slaves in the President's House

Hello Meltingpot Readers,

Today I went to visit "The President's House" in Center City, Philadelphia. The President's House is where George Washington and John Adams resided in the years of their respective presidencies (approximately 1790-1800). The actual house itself has long since been demolished but some archaeologists recently discovered some pieces of the house's foundation. And not just any parts, but the slave quarters where our first president kept his slaves, essentially in the basement.

Once discovered, the City of Brotherly Love had a hard time deciding how to display this historic artifact, paying homage to our first president, but also pointing out that he was a slave owner who really had no interest in freeing his human bondage. What's more, Washington deliberately rotated his slaves back and forth between his Virginia plantation and his Philadelphia home, to ensure they could not take advantage of the law that allowed any Black person in residence in Philadelphia for more than six months to be free.

So, the resulting exhibit in Philadelphia is open to the public and cleverly displayed, considering they had very little actual artifacts to work with, but there's something missing. We call this exhibit "The President's House," but the actual bricks and mortar that were discovered are pieces of "The Slave Quarters," and yet nowhere in the signage or display is there a sign that indicates that. Don't get me wrong, the slaves have not been forgotten in the exhibit, but can't we just lay it all out on the table? It seems we're still trying to whitewash history.

(sigh)

The Grass is Always Greener... Where Race Doesn't Matter

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

I think having a brand new baby to introduce to the world makes you re-evaluate everything in your life. Suddenly the choices you make, from eating that extra cupcake to whether you send you kids to private or public school, seem to be so much more important. Likewise, watching the news and reading the paper I'm so acutely aware of what a f__ed up nation we're living in these days. So, my last post on moving to Barcelona was actually not just a fantasy. I was thinking seriously of uprooting the family, throwing everything away that we've created here and moving to Spain.

But then I saw this article about a Black man who recently decided that after moving to France in 2004 that he was coming back to the US of A because like it or not, life was just better here.

Now, of course everyone can have a bad day or a bad experience and decide life is going to be better somewhere else, but I was truly thinking about the violence, the guns, the flash mobs and that damn Tea Party when I was making my case for moving to Europe.

Perhaps because I only average two hours of sleep at night, however, it took me an extra day to remember that England is burning due to race/youth riots. Norway just experienced a horrific attack from a crazy man afraid of foreigners and all over Europe they're struggling with immigration issues, massive xenophobia, racism and economic disaster waiting to happen. So, where is this Utopia I'm hoping to find? Canada maybe?.

I will say this. If Mickelle Bachman becomes president in 2012 you can forward all of my mail to the North Pole.

Peace!

Spanking: Beyond Black and White

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

Yesterday the New York Times magazine ran a cute essay by the writer Toure on spanking. The premise of the article or at least what it seemed to want to be about, was whether spanking was a Black or White parenting tool. As a Black man,Toure knew from experience and because he writes a lot about Black culture, that spanking is definitely an accepted practice in many Black households. Not all. But many. So he wanted to find out if White people are equally accepting.

The story takes a kind of funny turn and doesn't really answer the question, but I was left wondering. Not about whether spanking is really a Black or White phenomenon, but why we don't ever hear about spanking as a yellow or red or brown phenomenon? As with all things in this country that can be divided up or down the race line, why do we think Black and White are the only colors that matter? And as it relates to spanking, and as Toure's article illustrates, the color of one's skin really has nothing to do with it. Spanking at best is culturally influenced, at worst it's a violent reaction to one's child behaving badly.

I'm Black. I was spanked. Once. I learned my lesson and was never spanked again. El esposo's father never laid a hand on his children, but his mother whacked her three sons across the face, butt and any other body part she could get her hands on. Some of my Asian friends were spanked, some weren't. But we all live in America now and we're all raising our children and some of us spank and some of us don't. Does it help any of us become better parents to say spanking is a Black or White issue?

I think it's just another form of racial one upsmanship to claim Black people spank more than White or vise versa. And like I said, the conversation ignores all of the other people and cultures parenting in this country with opinions and parenting practices. I'm not pro or anti spanking. I think people should discipline their children in whatever way works for them and works for the child and doesn't do physical or psychological harm. And I think when trying to figure what that best way is, we should leave race out of the conversation.

What do you think? Is spanking a racial issue? Are there cultures where spanking is forbidden? Expected? Outlawed? I'd like to hear your opinions and experiences.

I'm listening.

Peace.

What's in a Name? Race vs. Class

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

So, you know we're still slogging over names for babygirl. I don't know why nothing feels right yet, but every day I'm trying out new names. Feeling how they roll off the tongue. Hearing how they sound when yelled across the room. (You know, as in, Princess Tianna, stop sticking marbles up your nose!!!!) Working out the inevitable shortenings and nick names that will come. I want a unique name, yet I want something that links my daughter to her families both here and in Spain. And of course, I want a name that fits this little girl who already is making her personality known with her strong kicks and aerobic moves in my belly.

Okay, so the other day I threw out a name to el esposo. He wrinkled his brow right away and said, no. He looked as if I'd suggested something truly distasteful. "What's wrong with that name?" I asked. And he said, " that name is low class or common in Spain." Now my husband comes from the deep south of Spain, the region that the entire north of Spain looks down on as low class in a way. He fully understands the wickedness of classism, but there he was saying that this name I'd selected was "common." So I chastised him. I called him a snob. I accused him of all kinds of bourgeois elitism. And he just shook his head and shut me down with one sentence.

"Would you name your daughter Qua'Neesha of JaQuanna?" Day-um. He got me. I'm a snob too. Or am I?

First of all, I don't believe any race can claim a certain name? But like it or not, since the 1980s we have developed what have come to be known as ghetto baby names. I don't really like the term ghetto, but it does serve a purpose and in my mind, ghetto refers to class, not race. (Please read Cora Daniels' excellent book, Ghetto Nation for more on this topic.) And as such, 'ghetto' baby names are not restricted to Black people, they are restricted to people who name their kids after their favorite alcoholic beverage, luxury automobile, snack food, porn star and/or any combination of the aforementioned with excess apostrophes and questionable spelling. I have a White friend who named her baby girl something so cringe worthy she might as well have just called her boo-boo. But at the end of the day, I do believe there are obvious class connotations in names. They have them in Spain and we have them here in the United States. I can't criticize el esposo for not wanting to name his daughter something that will have her labeled in his country when I wouldn't even consider certain names for the same reasons here.

It's just a fact, that certain names reveal a person's class background. And even though we are a country obsessed with race, class matters a whole lot. Let it be known, I'd name my daughter Maya or my son Malcolm or any other name after a inspirational African and/or African American figure. I'm not afraid to go Black. My second son's name is one of the most common in Ghana, in fact. But there is a difference between race and class isn't there? And at the end of the day, we all probably name our children according to our own class condition. I mean if you live in a community where everyone is named Moet, than that's not a problem. Likewise I don't hobnob with the upper class so I would never name my kid Thurston Howell III. I believe that would be pretentious and misguided.

Names do mean something. Choosing a name for your child is probably one of the most important things you do for them before they even come into this world. So much so, a friend of mine, married to a social worker, recently told me that if you don't choose a name for your child within three days of its birth, social services may be called because you might be seen as 'not truly wanting the baby.' Yikes. Makes me think el esposo and I better get on the ball.

What do you think Meltingpot readers? What's in a name when it comes to race vs class? What kind of judgements are made based on a name? Should we care?

I'm listening.

Peace!