Wednesday, July 30, 2008

My Secret Addiction to...Adoption Blogs

Please note this entry has been edited to correct a misconception about my opinion on transracial adoptions. I don't really have a blanket opinion on the subject. I think each and and family should be allowed to be a family. And if they have problems, let them be judged individually. See below for further explanation and as always, thank you for reading the Meltingpot. And I apologize if I offended anyone with my original, unedited post.

I'm just going to use this space to confess. There have been many times when I've sat up into the wee hours of the night reading international/transracial adoption blogs. You know (or maybe you don't), the blogs written by mostly White folks about their new and improved lives with their adopted Black (usually African or Haitian) children.

And I'm not saying this in jest. Seriously, I am just compelled to read these wonderful stories of people who seem to be just regular folks, who travel to the other side of the world to adopt children so different from themselves. I always start from their first posts, going back in time to see who these people were before they became parents to Black children, and then I keep reading to see if the experience changes them at all. For me these blogs are better than any reality TV show. There's romance, mystery, life, death, race, and everything in between, played out on an international stage.

Some of the families I feel like I know intimately already and cheer for their survival. But then there are some other families where I cry tears for the children who will clearly have a hard life ahead of them with the nut cases who have adopted them. It's sad but true. I honestly don't get why crazy people put their craziness out there in cyberspace for the whole wide world to witness.

Anywho, one of my favorite blogs of a multiracial family (they adopted twin boys from Haiti and just now gave birth to a daughter) is Party of Five. They are a wonderful couple unafraid to tackle honest issues, smart and really motivated to make their beautiful family their top priority. If you start reading, you too may get addicted. Be careful!



glamah16 said...

As you know thats my favorite too and I'm not even a Mommy yet. But those twins are the best. It makes me think about an Hatian adoption.I like that are honest about everything. But what really gets me is that she does the boys hair herself!

Anonymous said...

I am an Af Am woman, regular reader here, and an addict of the J-M Family Blog (I admit!). In your post I'm not sure if you're saying that you think they are crazy people???? I was skeptical at first, but I have come to see the J-M parents are not nut cases at all. They are very knowledgeable people who put a LOT of thought into everything they are doing with K & O. Do you know she is a professor? Have you read her book? I don't think all caucasion families can/should do this (adopt Black kids), but in this case I have no doubt these kids will be o.k. They'll face a challenging road ahead NO DOUBT but they'll be o.k. And yes, very cool that she does their hair herself!

Me said...


Thanks for your comment. I did not mean to imply that all of these families where crazy. In fact, quite the contrary. Most of them I believe are heroic and have full hearts of love. And if you look back, I've edited the entry. It def. came across the wrong way. My bad.

Thanks for reading the Meltingpot.

M & M said...

I totally love Heather's blog, too. They are very thoughtful and tender hearted and also very real in their love for their kids.
I have to admit that I suddenly felt aware that I might have a blog reader, and I wondered how such a reader would "see" me. Hmmmmmm.

Kohana said...

I think that families that blog about their lives and come across as nutcases, are probably unaware of their disfunction. I am a parent with a transracially adopted child and I get stressed reading some other adoptive parent blogs! I think many of us are either blind to our shortcomings, or so painfully aware of them that we don't discuss our experiences publicly. It's a hairy thing to discuss the challenges of transracial parenting, to be vulnerable to criticism in an area that is already challenging.

Anonymous said...

I haven't read any of the transracial adoption blogs so I can't comment on the craziness or sanity of the families involved.
I do, however,have a hard time understanding why so many people choose international adoption when there are plenty of kids in the U.S. who need good, loving adoptive homes.

I and my same sex partner are adoptive parents to 6 Black and Bi-racial children. They were born to mothers who were unable to care for them because of long term drug abuse and the life challenges associated with addiction. Our children have special challenges because of prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol but they also are very loving, fun, funny, bright, beautiful and, of course loved.

Should all white folks consider adopting transracially? Definitely not. It requires special consideration to such things as culture (hair, for example)and the ongoing racism in our society of white supremacy/white priviledge. My partner and I have had to learn to do hair (so it doesn't look like two old white women did it)and are now having to begin talking with our kids, particularly the two with more Black features, about the negative comments people sometimes make (about lips, hair, skin color, etc.) and the comments/questions about why they have parents who are white. Sometimes I do wonder if we can really prepare them for the world they will encounter as Black persons in a still racist society. It's at those times that I (we) seek the help of other people and other resources so we can learn the things we need to do to help them learn what they need to know.

I wonder how other people avoid falling into a trap of unknowingly raising their multiracial children as if they were white.

Cloudscome said...

I am another one of those white folks who adopted transracially and blogs. I hope I'm not one of the more crazier ones. I like to read blogs like yours just to see how other people see us. Isn't that something?

Anonymous said...

you should try reading the blogs of adult transracial adoptees (try A Birth Project by Lisa Marie Rollins) to get the other perspective... i'm a black transracial adoptee and also in a interracial marriage...i like your blog.