Just a Link...In Spanglish

Hola,

Whenever I discover a website or blog that speaks to me as mother of color, raising bilingual, bi-cultural, biracial kids in the United States, I get pretty excited.

So, today all I'm doing is posting the link for a website I just stumbled upon called Spanglish Baby:Raising Bilingual Kids .

Based on the title you can probably figure out that it's a website all about raising bilingual Spanish/English kids, but it's so much more. They have a great list of resources of teaching tools, music, books and other websites. In addition, they post excellent stories and articles from a wide variety of parents, experts and mama bloggers and the site is really user-friendly, attractive and fun. It feels like a community and a destination for all of us trying to preserve and/or create a dual-heritage for our kids. Even if you aren't trying to raise Spanish speakers, I think you'll enjoy the information being shared.

Check it out. And while you're at it, what do you think is the hardest part about raising bilingual kids in this country? I'd say, finding places outside your home where your children can practice speaking and/or hearing their "second" language.


Peace/Paz!

Have You Heard the One about Swine Flu?

In order to keep myself from freaking out about swine flu and barricading myself and my children inside our house until the threat has been eradicated, I am allowing myself to laugh at the recent spate of off-color jokes about the potential pandemic.

Has anyone else heard the jokes that insinuate that all of the Jews and Muslims are saying 'I told you so,' over this dreaded disease as they've know all along that pork would be mankind's undoing?


Is it wrong to use humor to feel better about impending doom? What do you do to swagger through disaster of epic proportions?

Peace.

Adoption in Another Language

My parents are friends with a young Indian couple. Due to a strange set of circumstances, my parents have kind of adopted them, become their parents in the United States. They knew the husband first and were invited to his wedding in India, and when his real parents visit Wisconsin, my parents are always invited for a dinner of thanks.

So anyway, after about a year of marriage, the wife became pregnant. With twins. This frightened her a bit as she didn't know if she'd be able to withstand the physical demands of a multiples pregnancy and then the physical, emotional, and financial demands of two babies. Her worries were for naught. The pregnancy progressed normally and when the two baby girls were born, the husband's parents came to help out and ended up staying for six months. When they left, they took one of the twins with them.

Apparently the grandmother had grown so close to the children she became distraught when she had to leave. To ease her pain, the young couple gave the parents one of their daughters. They said it would be temporary. Until Christmas. Four months later. But Christmas has come and gone and the baby remains in India. Away from her parents and her twin sister. And believe it or not, everybody is okay with the arrangement. In fact, when Americans recoil in horror at the idea of splitting up twins, of not seeing your own child for months at a time and potentially years, the young Indian couple shrug their shoulders and wonder what is the big deal? They have told my parents that they think this is a good arrangement for everyone involved.

Now as we in our Kinky Gazpacho household are seriously considering adopting a wee little girl, this story makes me think. All day long I read heartbreaking stories about the pain of adoption, the demonization of birth mothers, and the definition of a true orphan who needs a home. Also, as I start to become that person who hopes that someone out there wants to relinquish their child for me to raise, I wonder if I would be able to relinquish my own child if the situation was reversed.

In adoption literature and I think in our society in general, giving up or losing a child is considered possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to a woman. And I'm not here to argue that point, only to wonder under what circumstances or which cultures is giving up your child not so dramatic? Or perhaps better stated, where and when is giving up your child understood to be a conceivable option?

It makes me think of the thousands of immigrant stories where women and men come to this country and leave their children behind to be raised by someone else, an aunt, a grandmother, a neighbor even. Yes, in some cases they eventually send for them, but in many they do not, because this life here wouldn't be right for their children. They chose to leave them behind. They chose to have somebody else raise them, with the idea that they were making the best decision for the child.

I also think of my time in Morocco, when I lived as an exchange student. My host mother had 11 children. She had her first at age 13. She literally gave one of her children to her mother to raise because her mother was lonely. They lived in the same city yes, but interestingly, the grandmother's standard of living was far lower then her daughter who had married well. So this given-up child didn't enjoy the "high life" that her sisters did. But she seemed okay with the way things had turned out. She simply considered herself her grandmother's child.

I hope I do not get slammed by women who have given up their children under duress or because of illness or poverty because obviously there is no greater horror that I can imagine. But I did want to open the discussion up about how we define "what's best for the child" and if that changes based on culture as it relates to letting someone else raise your child.

Can you think of any other culture that allows mothers to give up their children without reproach? Or where it is considered an option? The Israeli Kibbutz comes to mind, but I'm not sure that would qualify.

Thoughts?

Peace

How Many Degrees of Meltingpot are in Your Family?

Somebody asked me recently why I was so interested in multi-culti families. He wanted to know how a "Black girl like me," who grew up in segregated Milwaukee, Wisconsin in the 70s and 80s, has such a meltingpot perspective on human relationships.

Although I know he was really trying to find out why I wasn't an Angry Black Woman, the question got me thinking about my life and in particular my family. I've always just considered my extended family as a pretty typical Black American family, but then again:

I have one Haitian uncle and one Jamaican aunt (no relation).

I have one White Aunt and one White Uncle (also no relation).

I have an uncle from Holland (who actually adopted himself into the family)who married a Colombian woman so I have Latino cousins. That same "uncle" also has an adopted daughter who is Eskimo and Black.

One of my aunts is Korean and Black and her Korean mother has always been part of the family.

My step-grandmother is Jamaican.

So my life has always been sprinkled with people from different countries, speaking different languages, eating different foods and using different hair products. I don't know if I'd be a different person if my family was a little bit more homogeneous but I'm glad it's not.

And I guess that's why I'm obsessed with finding meltingpot moments because it brings me the comfort of my familiar. And, well, because it just tastes so good!

I'm sure my family is the rule and not the exception. So, tell me, dear readers. How many degrees of meltingpot are in your family? And has that made a difference in how you view the world?


Peace!

U.N. Conference on Racism -- Good or Bad?

It would seem that a worldwide conference dedicated to the eradication of racism and xenophobia would be a good thing. And yet, the United Nations Conference, which opened today in Geneva is being boycotted by the United States, Israel, Canada and some European countries including Italy and Holland.

I am not sure I fully understand why the United States is boycotting, although the official response from the Obama administration is because of "objectionable language in the meeting's draft declaration," according to Reuters. The back story is that during the first UN Conference on Racism, held in South Africa in 2001, the US and Israel walked out of the meeting when conference attendees tried to define Zionism as a form of racism. What's more, it appeared that there was a generally anti-Semitic tone at the last conference and that this conference would only offer more of the same. The fact that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was the opening speaker, reinforced those beliefs.

And in fact, according to the New York Times, in his speech, President Ahmadinejad called Israel a "racist government," among other evil things, prompting all of the EU delegates to walk out in protest. So, I think it's pretty safe to say the conference is off to a pretty rocky start.

So my question is, despite the fact that there are some obvious spoilers at the party, what kind of message is the U.S. sending by not showing up to a conference that is addressing what I think is our most pressing human issue? Isn't that like throwing out the baby with the bath water? Why is this issue the issue that makes it impossible for us to participate in a conference that could potentially draft proposals to heal the rifts and violence between Israel and its Muslim neighbors?

What do you think? Should the U.S. be participating? Doesn't it seem strange that the year we elect a Black man to lead our country we don't attend the biggest conference on racism? Was there another choice for the Obama administration? Do these conferences make any difference anyway?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas. For another opinion about why the Obama administration should have sent a delegate, check out today's headline at The Root.

Peace!

More Burning Questions from the Meltingpot

Hi Meltingpot Readers,

Just a few things on my mind this Friday.

1. Why in 2009 do African-Americans make up only 2 percent of the number of architects in this country?

2. If you're a White woman who doesn't think too highly of Hispanic people, why would you marry a Colombian man, have his child and then freak out because your child will be considered Hispanic as well? And then, why would you admit to your blatantly racist and disturbing thoughts in a blog post in the New York Times?

3. Even though indie filmmakers have no problem making amazing movies that reflect the diversity of this American meltingpot, why can't the big suits in Hollywood get a clue? (answers can be found here)

4. How many Black women do you know are married to Indian men and blog openly about their lives?

5. Why am I so obsessed with Portugal, Lisbon to be precise? Why does that place seem so magical to me and how can I fanagle a week there this summer with family in tow for a low, low, price? Ideas? (That's Lisbon in the picture above.)

Ponder the answers and post your comments. See ya next week!

Peace.

Traveling While Black... in Europe

A couple of days ago, my younger brother announced that he was thinking about traveling to Barcelona this summer. It's been a dream of his for awhile. But my sister-in-law, with a whispered warning over the phone, told him he might want to reconsider.

"It might not be safe for you in Spain this summer," she said.
"Why not?" my brother asked.
"Because of la crisis, the economy."
"What does that have to do with anything?" my brother demanded.
My sister-in-law sighed and answered, "Because there have been some 'incidents' against the immigrants and you might be mistaken for one of them."

Translation. Because of the worsening economy in Spain, violence against immigrants, Africans, South Americans, and/or anyone not visually Spanish, is at risk for feeling the frustration of the out of work Spaniards. This according to my sister-in-law in Spain.

When I heard this, I felt sick and all of my paranoid fears about being Black and unwanted in Spain returned. Fears that I thought I'd exorcised by writing my memoir, Kinky Gazpacho, came hurtling back. And they came with new fears this time. Fears of taking my children to Spain this summer and having them (them who look like Moroccans) be on the receiving end of ignorance and violence. Before my eyes, visions of keeping my sons safely ensconced in the house of my in-laws, never letting them out of the yard...like prisoners in paradise, flashed before me. Am I being ridiculous?

"What do you say we go back to Miami this summer instead?" I suggested to El Esposo?

Dear Meltingpot readers, especially those of you who live in Europe, have you seen an increase in violence or xenophobic behavior since the economy tanked? Is it widespread or isolated? Do you think Black Americans get a free pass from this violence because generally people can smell our "American-ness" a mile away? Should a new warning be issued by the Obama administration. Level Brown, perhaps? Do not travel if your skin color may be mistaken for that of an immigrant?

What do race relations look like in Europe when the economy goes bad? Is it safe to travel while Black these days? Please be candid and honest. This may turn into a bigger story.

Check out this story and this story for some more background on the current immigration situation in Spain.

Peace and Happy Tax Day!

A New Book for the "Other" Mothers

I'm not a big anthology fan. I just don't believe that I'm going to be interested in all of the essays included in the collection. Sure, I'll page through an anthology if I'm interested in the theme or know some of the authors, but I've never really been compelled to actually buy one, with few exceptions.

Well, I may have to change my tune because I just received a copy of the new book, Who's Your Mama?: The Unsung Voices of Women and Mothers and love it. Full disclosure, I have an essay in the book about being the mother of two boys who are two different colors, but that's not why I love it. That's not why I stayed up way past my bed time last night trying to devour the book in one sitting. I love it because finally, there is a book about motherhood that speaks to me as a woman of a color, a writer, a woman in a multicultural family, a woman who has contemplated adoption, and I could go on. Just as the subtitle implies, it is the voices of women who as of yet have really not been heard in all of the debate and discourse about modern motherhood.

I haven't read all of the essays, but of the ones I have, Martha Southgate's essay, Unnatural Woman about the difficulty in being a writer and a mother really rang true. She was brutally honest and shared her traitorous thoughts about escaping from her family so she would be free to write. I've had those thoughts too. And Eileen Flanagan's thoughtful essay about making sure she didn't raise her White children to be racist gave me a really interesting glimpse into the way White people internalize race, racism and privilege. There are also great essays about lesbian adoption, raising multiracial children and raising children in poverty. There were also great pieces about not wanting children, losing children and infertility.

The contributors range from award-winning authors to hip-hop activists. They include women of varied racial, socio-economic, and ethnic backgrounds as well, making this Meltingpot mama very happy. Editor, Yvonne Bynoe deserves a major cyber round of applause for being able to corral such a fantastic hodgepodge of voices, including foreword writer Rebecca Walker. Check this book out if you get a chance. You won't be disappointed.

Peace!

Bienvenido a Miami!

I'm back, Meltingpot Readers.

El esposo and I just spent a few days in Miami to celebrate 10 years of togetherness. It was so great that esposo wants to move to Miami. Why? Because during the four days that we were there, he never once had to speak English.

Now, el esposo speaks English perfectly well. So well, in fact, he can beat me easily at Scrabble. He loves speaking English, but as he said, being in Miami felt like home. We found a lovely dive in South Beach where we ate arroz con pollo y platanos, lovingly prepared by a Nicaraguan woman who called my husband "papi" when she served his plate.

It wasn't like New York, where all languages are equal. Miami felt like something different. Even I felt it. I felt like the odd ball out with my annoying American accent. I wanted to fit in so I stopped speaking English too. I luxuriated in the balmy weather, the lush vegetation and the riot of tropical colors dotting the landscape. Even the geckos on the hotel walls were colorful. I felt like I could loose myself in Miami.

So I loved Miami too. I loved this place that was Spanish before it was "American." But I don't want to move there. I don't like hurricanes all that much. But Miami has invaded el esposo's thoughts like a sensuous woman. Poor Philly can't compare.

Have you ever felt like that after visiting a specific city? Did you pack up and move there? Was it everything you expected and hoped for? Do tell. Ragazza, are you reading this?

Peace!

The Death and Resurrection of Calabash

Last year I had the extreme pleasure and honor to participate in the Calabash Literary Festival in Treasure Beach, Jamaica. An international festival of the written word that takes place in the middle of a tropical paradise, Calabash tastes like heaven. From a Meltingpot perspective, Calabash blew my mind as I witnessed people of every nationality, race, and culture under one giant tent, nodding their heads together as they listened to the words of poets, novelists and non-fiction writers. When it was over, I promised I'd be back.

Well imagine my shock and horror when I found out Calabash was being canceled this year due to lack of funds from the government of Jamaica. After eight successful years, Calabash was being shut down. The organizers accepted it and with heavy hearts announced the sad news, but people weren't willing to let Calabash die. And faster than you can say Facebook fury, a campaign to save Calabash was launched, and yes, dear readers, it worked. In an unprecedented decision, the government of Jamaica reversed their decision and came up with $40,000 to bring Calabash back to life.

Do you see what individuals can do with the strength of their convictions? And it wasn't money that made the festival happen, it was the tremendous outpouring of support from people all over the world who had been touched by Calabash that made the government (and a corporate sponsor) take action. This is what happens when we fight for a common cause. This is why we don't give up when we know what we're fighting for is right. Calabash changes lives in so many ways. And it all started with an idea and a passion for the written word.

To read a more accurate report of how the death and resurrection of Calabash occurred, check out this article from the Jamaica Gleaner newspaper. And if you want to have your life changed in the middle of a tropical paradise, go to Calabash this year, May 22-24. You won't be disappointed and you'll get to hear amazing authors like Junot Diaz, Jamaica Kincaid and Nadine Gordimer, just to name a few.

One Love!

p.s. The Meltingpot is going on vacation and will return on Friday April 10th. We're celebrating 10 years of marriage in the Kinky Gazpacho household!

Racism on the Dance Floor

I'd heard about segregated proms in the deep South. But I could have sworn that was yeaaars ago. But apparently I'm wrong. Last year, yes 2008, was the first year that Charleston High School, in Charleston, Mississippi dared to have their first integrated prom, and only then because the actor Morgan Freeman offered to foot the bill.

If that seems as unbelievable to you as it does to me, then you too should try to see the documentary film, Prom Night in Missippi, that tells the story behind the tuxedos and taffeta. The film screened at Sundance this year and has won a handful of awards. More importantly though, it has people talking about race and racism. Listen here for an interview with director Paul Saltzman.

Sometimes here at the Meltingpot, we start to believe that everyone is living mixie, blended, colorful lives. Look who lives in the White House, right? But then we are confronted with the truth. Do you think Charleston High School and the people of the town represent the majority of Americans in the South? Or are they the exception? And mind you, this wasn't only a case of Whites not wanting to be with Blacks. Bad feelings flowed both ways.

What do YOU do when you hear about towns like Charleston? Do you pledge to avoid the entire state of Mississippi for like another decade? Do you make jokes and thank God you live Up North? In another country? On Mars? Or do you do something else? I think Mr. Saltzman had the right idea in exposing the truth through film. Sometimes that's all we can do is tell the rest of the world what's happening and watch humanity change itself.

What do you think?

Peace!