New Year, New Meltingpot.

Meltingpot Readers,

We at the Meltingpot are taking a holiday vacation. But we're not just sitting on our tushies, sipping egg nog and watching music marathons on VH1. No, we are working hard planning the re-make of the Meltingpot. With the beginning of a new decade, we've realized that the time is ripe for improving what we're doing around here.

Please don't expect a big new reveal, with brand new bells and whistles, but we are re-evaluating our content. And of course, what we could do better.

We will be back in business, on line on Monday, January 11th with the new and improved My American Meltingpot. If you have any suggestions or requests about what you'd like to see more of here, please leave your ideas in the comments section.

Thank you for your continued reading. And if you really miss my exceptional commentary, feel free to follow me on Twitter (loritharps) for a daily dose of meltingpot musings.

Peace and a Very Happy New Year to you all.

Merry Christmas Meltingpot Readers!

Happy Holidays Meltingpot readers!

I hope you're having a wonderful holiday filled with laughter and light. I flew through two major storms today to make it home for the holidays with my family and believe it or not, arrived home twenty minutes early. I call it a Christmas miracle.

I'm hoping everyone is having a wonderful holiday season, but I do have a question. If you don't celebrate Christmas, for religious or cultural reasons, I'm wondering what does this time of the year mean for you? While the rest of the country is celebrating the birth of the baby Jesus and/or the arrival of a big fat man dressed in a red suit who breaks into your house to leave gifts, what are you doing?

I had a Jewish friend who always went out for Chinese food on Christmas day. He said it was a tradition with all of his friends. What about your traditions? I'd like to know what December 25th feels like when you're not part of the holiday madness?

I'm listening...

Peace.

It's Always About the Hair

I recently had the chance to participate in a little chat-fest with a diverse group of women about our hair. Now I consider myself quite knowledgeable about all things related to hair and yet I was thrilled to discover even more similarities women share when it comes to our crowning glory, regardless of our ethnic background. When it comes down to it, texture trumps all.

The chat-fest was kind of staged for an online TV show, called Snap Glow TV, but the stories shared were all true. Check us out at Philly.com(You have to click on "SnapGlowTV in the menu bar on the top of the page. The hair segment appears right away. Sorry, but the direct link isn't working.)

After watching, let me know what you think. Or better yet, tell us, what do you think is a universal truth when it comes to women's hair?

I'm listening.

Peace.

(By the way, I'm not digging the title for the segment, but what are you going to do?)

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And in related news. Did anyone else see the Publisher's Weekly cover last week that had a Black woman with an Afro made of Afro picks on her head? It caused a lot of controversy and head scratching. I'm wondering what do you think? If you didn't see the photo or read any of the ensuing stories, you can get a summary here straight from the source at Publisher's Weekly. Like I said, it's always about the hair!

A Culinary Cultural Conundrum: Kinky and Gazpacho in the Kitchen

Everybody has there own way of doing things, right? And those ways get sorely tested when you make the tremendous decision to get married and start a life with another human being with their own ways of getting things done. Suddenly, everything is about compromise and learning new ways of doing things. And that learning curve is even steeper when you marry someone from a different culture. For me, nowhere was this challenge more apparent than in the kitchen.

Once I married my Spanish esposo, not only did I have to learn some new recipes to keep him happy, but I had to also open my mind to new culinary ideas and so did he. Like, do we spread butter on our bread or dip it in olive oil. And while we're on the subject of bread with dinner, should it be corn bread or a nice crusty baguette? Then of course that all important question, is an egg a breakfast item (me) or a perfect option for dinner (him)? And the list goes on. For the most part, all of our squabbling in the kitchen was minor and we both learned how to appreciate an entirely new culinary tradition. But there was one thing I just couldn't wrap my mind around for some reason, whenever El Esposo brought it up. No it wasn't eating flavored pig lard on toast, or sucking the heads of giant crustaceans. Actually, those things I can tolerate. Believe it or not, my culinary cultural conundrum was the use of kitchen shears.

Yes, dear readers, for some reason, whenever El Esposo wanted to cut something in the kitchen, from a whole roasted chicken to a pizza, he'd ask for a pair of scissors and I would laugh at him and then tell him that in this country we use knives to cut poultry and pizza. And I didn't even have a real reason to shun his suggestion, it just seemed so foreign to me and for some reason wrong. And since the kitchen started off as my domain, my sweet suffering husband would just shrug his shoulders and grudgingly use a knife to finish the job.

But then one day, while on a shopping excursion to IKEA, El Esposo managed to sneak a five-pack of kitchen shears in the cart. I thought they were craft scissors for the kids, because they came in cute primary colors. Silly me. Well, it didn't take long for me to catch on to the bliss of using scissors instead of knives in the kitchen. In fact, I'm a scissor-cutting fool now. I don't know how I lived without scissors in the kitchen before. Now I can cut quesadillas and pizzas in perfect triangles. Cutting herbs is a snap, and sometimes for my picky children I even use the scissors to cut the crusts off their bread. Now it's me who reaches for the scissors to dismember a chicken and even to slice thin pieces of tenderloin. The scissors are so much more precise than a knife, and they make almost every cutting job easier for those of us uneducated in classic knife skills.

So, it may sound silly, but I thank El Esposo every day for introducing me to the Spanish scissor. It's changed my life. Oh yeah, I don't think Spaniards have a lock down on kitchen shears, because you can buy them at Target, but in my sheltered little world they felt foreign. So people, do you use kitchen shears? What for? And for those of you who married (or co-habitate with) someone from another culture, what's the one little thing your spouse introduced you to that you now can't live with out?

Let's hear it.

Peace!

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THIS JUST IN
Remember I forgot to post on Monday because my novel manuscript was due in to the publisher? Well I handed it in and it is now available for pre-order on Amazon. Unbelievable. The release date is slated for August 2010. That's this summer. Wow!
Seriously, the ink is barely dry on the page, but it if you want to order now, check it out here.

Fighting in Philly: Black and Asian Teens Go Head to Head

As a Black woman who has always had Asian friends I've always wondered why the media likes to glorify all of the incidents of Black/Asian conflict. In fact, I use a lot of my Blog space to celebrate the places where Black and Asian culture come together in beautiful ways. But there's a story unfolding in my own back yard that I cannot ignore.

Recently a friend of mine, George Miller III wrote a story for Philadelphia Weekly magazine about a disturbing trend of Asian students getting beat up by Black students at several Philadelphia high schools.

That story was written in September and it seemed that perhaps the problem was being addressed. Fast forward two months and sadly things have gotten so bad, that the Asian students walked out of school until they could get some response from school officials whom they claim repeatedly ignore their distress calls.

As you'll read in the story, some people don't really see this as Black on Asian crime, but rather a simple us against them turf war. You know, "we were here first," "You don't speak English" and "You don't look like me." This doesn't make the violence any more palatable, but it does make sense. And it doesn't feed into the age-old stereotype that Blacks and Asians are mortal enemies. It forces educators to really look at the problems and not just call these hate crimes and throw up their hands in despair.

What suggestions would you give Philly school officials who are adressing this problem? Where would you start?

I'm listening.

Novel Excuse

Meltingpot Readers,

Please excuse me for not posting a fascinating and informative piece today. Alas, the manuscript for my debut novel, Substitute Me, was due in my editor's hot little hands today, so the Meltingpot slipped my mind. (oops) I apologize.

Please tune in Wednesday for our regular scheduled programming.

Peace!

Homa Sabet Tavangar Answers Your Questions about Raising Global Citizens

You asked and Homa Sabet Tavangar has taken the time give us some really great answers and information about how we can "raise our children to be at home in the world." That's the tag line on her book, Growing Up Global. So without further ado, enjoy the questions and answers and you'll find out who wins a copy of the book at the end. Keep checking Homa's website Growing Up Global.net for even more ideas and news about the book.

Peace!

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Homa writes:

Before I answer the (great!) questions you sent, I wanted to thank Lori and her readers. My American Melting Pot, like Growing Up Global, is all about blurring the lines that divide us and living out authentic connections. And the community that’s grown around the blog has potential to learn from and support each other. This is so refreshing!


Nora asked...

I'm myself an "international citizen" grown up in both north Africa and north Europe (Scandinavia) and have always felt torn between two very different cultures and I would want some day that my kids live in an international environment but I wouldn't want them to feel like they don't belong in either places like I do sometimes. How can one avoid that?

Homa Satbet Tavangar (HST): I think you’re describing a reality millions have felt, split between multiple cultures. This is the situation described and addressed in the book Third Culture Kids, by Ruth Van Reken and David Pollock. It’s generated a movement of people who feel like what you’re describing. For your kids I think a few things can be done: first, talk about all of these feelings and the fact you have navigated and they will navigate so many different cultures – but they’re not alone. You can show “heroes” that have done the same, like Barack Obama, a soccer star (sorry – I can’t say Tiger Woods anymore), or someone you know personally. You can celebrate the merging of your cultures. Is there a favorite Scandinavian dish alongside a North African food you love? Even pointing out how rich this makes your life (on a regular basis) is worthwhile. Metaphors demonstrating your multi-cultural richness can help: I always remember how bored I’d be if my box of crayons only contained white ones. I love magenta, gold, aquamarine, sienna… In a way, isn’t that like the cultural experience your family is having? This mix of cultures is much more ordinary than a few generations ago, so this also helps our kids adjust to the “new normal” – they’re not alone! Finally, I hope that your care about their feeling torn between cultures won’t hold you back from living abroad or experiencing many cultures. The benefits far outweigh the challenges!

Anonymous (Wendy) asked...
How do you deal with other´s who only see you as the country you come from and not you?

I always feel drawn into debates about how the United States does things from war, food, culture, etc. I often have a hard time dealing with the arrogant behavior of others who are pointing out "American" arrogance. I have been in an international student, traveled A LOT and have now hosted an international student.

I tend to avoid these discussions whenever possible. But with being the host, it has been much more difficult. A simple explanation of how something works here (when asked) turns into a debate. Can´t we exchange ideas without judging?



HST: I certainly hope we can exchange ideas without judging – and as I’ve noticed, some people around me seem to be better at that than others, sort of like a muscle they’ve developed for having honest, non-judgmental, exploratory conversations. Maybe they were raised this way, in a more open-minded, diverse environment. Growing up, I dealt a lot with others’ judgment of me for my country of origin. I was in junior high in the Midwest when the Iranian Revolution happened and suddenly it was as if my own family had taken the hostages and burned American flags (I describe this in more detail in Growing Up Global). My name was always a dead give-away and point of curiosity. Some people approached it painfully – squinting, contorting their mouth trying to pronounce, immediately wanting to know where the name/I was from. With all the negativity, it was hard to admit I was Iranian. Ways to deal with this: look at the points of pride from your culture. When people point out stereotypes then (especially as you get older) you have an identity of the beauty, joy and strength of your culture and are less vulnerable to the misconceptions. It’s nice to have friends from your own background to help validate your identity, though that’s often not possible. Parents might want to try to arrange social occasions with families of similar background or philosophy – surround yourself in acceptance.

You’re also pointing out the flip side: defending Americans from stereotypes abroad. One common element to both sides is that we are not our governments. We don’t have to feel like we must defend our government’s decisions – we didn’t make ‘em. Reaching out to show your human side while overseas, not feeling like you need to represent your entire people, can be liberating, fun, educational for both sides.



Allyson asked...

I love Wendy's question and look forward to hearing Homa's answer. When visiting Nigeria, I often find myself deconstructing generalizations about the U.S. and Americans.

My questions are more out of curiosity (having missed Homa's blog-sorry): How did your children, particularly your "tween" adjust to the Gambia? Did they view it as an adventure? Did they have food issues??

HST: I probably viewed our life in the Gambia as an adventure more than my kids did. A great thing about our time there was the fact that we arrived on a Friday and school started on Monday. This meant that my tweens (2 of ‘em!) were able to dive in to a routine, meet peers and not have too much time to think about home, friends, other things they missed. I realize this may not be “PC” these days, but the structure was terrific for us. We also were very busy with our service in the neighborhood school, though, particularly for my younger daughter, this was trying. It was her first experience with overt injustice, even abuse (witnessing it on other kids). Here is a blog entry touching on that. The second week our 3.5 year old started pre-school. It was truly adorable and this became another thing for us to enjoy – sort of entertainment for the older ones in the family. Speaking of entertainment: watching satellite TV was taken to the level of a sport. After school kids would come home and have their big meal of the day while American Idol was shown on Dubai satellite TV broadcast there. This was considered the ultimate cool.

The Gambian food was great – we were very fortunate. On top of that, thanks to positive peer pressure (cousins who grew up there and new friends) they liked the food – especially “domoda” and “benichin”! Rice is the dominant staple, so they didn’t have to adjust to the foo-foo/ugali staple found in other African regions. My kids have been raised to eat pretty adventurously. I also talk about this in Growing Up Global: how to get your kids to eat new foods.



Amy asked...

Preparing my children to be global citizens, I feel is one of the most important jobs I have as a parent in today's society. While having the opportunity to live in a foreign country, my children attend the local public school there. I am very thankful for this. We have now moved back to the states and I am always searching for ways to continue their global education. I am very interested in this book.

HST: Thanks so much for this note. A big reason I wrote Growing Up Global is that I too was searching for ways to instill a global mindset, global education and knew that foreign travel and living was not always in reach. I hope it will provide useful ideas for your family – it’s meant to serve as a toolkit, with ready-to-implement ideas.

Also, I hope you will check if your local public library carries it. Given tight budgets, libraries will more likely purchase new books if their patrons ask for it.

C asked...

I am not an "international citizen", nor is my son. We are both home town people, and probably will always b, aside from traveling. Do you believe it is possible to raise my son with a more global perspective with out moving?

HST: Absolutely! Just by starting conversations at the dinner table, having a map or globe handy, listening to music from around the world, trying new foods, watching films from other countries, reaching out to diverse friends in your community, and more (ideas in the book!) you will create a powerful example for your son that the world is within reach, and it’s something to be excited about, feel connected with. I’ve spoken with so many adults who were raised in the U.S. by parents who valued world cultures, had diverse friends, and engaged in stimulating, sincere conversations. They never doubted they were “world citizens,” though on the surface it might not have looked like it. Your example and interests are powerful, and today we really are more connected than ever.


Mashiara asked...

What are some things that your children had to get use to regarding climate, culture, and any other tidbits growing up in another part of the world that wasn't so mainstream?

HST: So many things, but here are a few:

o Because of extreme poverty everywhere, class differences were stark, while they weren’t so aware of them in the US.
o Climate: We stayed there during dry season, and at the tail end of the “harmatan” where sand/wind storms reminded us of the desert’s encroaching on fertile lands. This was a tangible example of climate change we’d not experienced.
o A bit of chaos: no line for school snacks – a free for all, from my kids’ perspective; livestock roaming the streets, including major roads; open-air markets, bargaining, lack of punctuality.
o The fact that we weren’t African attracted much attention from anyone passing us on the road. Young men continuously approached any of us, trying to start a conversation, sometimes closing in (very close) to our personal space – very uncomfortable.
o Islam was ubiquitous. We were woken by morning call to prayer, schools and offices let out by noon Friday for prayers, and 98% of the nation is Muslim.
o Polygamy was so common that my 3.5 year old played dolls where they would be the first wife and second wife (!).



The Golden Papaya asked...

I'm raising three little "global citizens" here in Brazil. My question is, how did class play into your international living experience? How did this experience change your perspectives on class? My children are enrolled (as scholarship students) at a fancy international school, and it is interesting to me how the intricacies of class play out, and what our sons may be learning about this.

HST: As I mentioned with the previous question, class issues became starkly apparent while we were there. One of the dangers of living in a “poor” country is that kids, even from middle class families in the US, may easily gain a broader sense of entitlement living there, as they commonly would have servants and their lifestyle is clearly in a highly privileged category, even if you try for it not to be. I was happy that things weren’t “black and white” so to speak. Unlike my experience living in Latin America, there was no assumption of class privilege that went with skin tone (i.e., lighter = elite). At the same time, the poor were mind-bogglingly poor. When we hear about those who live on less than $1 per day, from UN statistics, it’s these people. A vital lesson we learned, however, from some of the poorest people we met: they lived in compounds and took care of each other. So, no one went hungry and somehow they made ends meet. The ultimate show of poverty in their society is to be alone – then no one can help you.


Wow! Thanks Homa. And the lucky winner of a copy of this wonderful book, Growing Up Global is Amy!!! Amy, please send an email with a name and address to myamericanmeltingpot@gmail.com and you'll get a copy of the book, just in time for the holidays.

More Obama Relatives in the News

First Obama's half brother, Mark Ndesandjo, enters the world stage after living a quiet life in China, to announce the publication of his semi-autobiographical novel Nairobi to Shenzhen. And now it has been revealed that Obama's aunt (his father's half sister) is living in the United States as an illegal immigrant pending deportation.

Like Ndesandjo, Obama's aunt, Zeituni Onyango reportedly is expecting no special treatment because she is related to the President of the United States. In fact, she told the Associated Press, "I carry my own cross. [Barack] has nothing to do with my problem."

You can read Onyango's complete story on The Grio and decide for yourself if you think she's going to get special treatment or if she deserves it. I think whether she deserves it or not, who wants to be the immigration official who deports the president's auntie?

In some ways, I don't think it is realistic or even possible to try to be completely objective when dealing with issues of celebrities or public figures. If someone is related to a super star, it is almost human nature to want see if their superstar qualities flow through the DNA of the rest of the family. Inquiring minds just want to know. And that's not always a bad thing. For example, Obama's mother's 1992 anthropological dissertation has just been released by Duke University Press as the book, Surviving Against the Odds: Village Industry in Indonesia. It's a totally academic tome, yet the author's connection as Obama's mama is slapped on the front of the book. You can read more about the book here.

So, considering Obama has a handful of other half-siblings and relatives around the world I don't suspect this is the last family skeleton to fall from the closest. I just hope the American public and media don't get too caught up in the hype. What do you think?

Peace!

It's not Friday, but I Still Have Questions...

Meltingpot readers, I hope you believe me when I say that I really, really, appreciate your comments and thought-provoking responses to my writing here. You all make me think and reconsider many of my opinions and you often open my eyes to fascinating new information. So thank you for that. And now perhaps you can help me with some more burning questions.

1. Did anyone else besides me watch way too many newsweekly specials this weekend about the guilty verdict handed down to American college student Amanda Knox --the poor girl rotting in an Italian prison accused of viciously murdering her British roommate? And then afterwards worry that Amanda Knox is being convicted for being an American stereotype? Seriously, the fact that she kept a sloppy house and liked to have sex and smoke pot seemed to be enough to convict her of murder. I know when I was a college student in Spain, all of the boys wanted to come play in my yard because they knew American girls were easy. And Black American girls? That was like hitting the Jackpot! So at the end, my question really isn't is Amanda Knox guilty or innocent, because that hot mess of a crime seems to be crawling with inconsistencies, but rather is the stereotype of the Ugly American still so strong overseas that if we're not careful, could do us real harm?

2. Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that the big billboard movie posters for Clint Eastwood's new flick Invictus feature a full-frontal shot of Matt Damon, but Morgan Freeman, who plays Nelson Freaking Mandela, is in dark profile behind him? Why is that? The movie is about Nelson Mandela (I checked on IMDB) and yet Matt Damon's no-name rugby player is the main attraction on the movie posters. Really? Even Nelson Mandela can't get White people to go to the movies?

3. And speaking of White people at the movies. Obviously a lot of White, Black and other people are enjoying Sandra Bullock's new film, The Blindside. It's the number one movie in the land right now. And I ask you, why do you think that is? A lot of folks have grumbled that it's just one more stereotypical film of rich White people helping the poor Black (overweight) innocent. I haven't seen the film so I don't really have an opinion but I'm curious what you all think? It is a true story and Sandra Bullock is delightful with that fake southern accent and gosh, it's the holiday season when all we can think of is goodwill towards men. So is it okay to like this movie?

4. Am I the last meltingpot maven to hear about the Mr. Hyphen contest, sponsored by Hyphen magazine. In his story for the AP about the contest, Jesse Washington describes the event as, " a faux pageant in the San Francisco Bay area aimed at redefining the image of Asian-American men beyond nerdy, sexless stereotypes." But it's not really "faux." The talent is real, the judges are real and there's a big check for the winner. Is this the way we break out of stereotypes? Can you think of some other pageants we might want to create?

Okay, those are all of my questions for now. I'll be waiting for your answers.

Peace!

Growing Up Global: Homa Sabet Tavangar Will Now Take Your Questions (And a Giveaway Too)

When I first met Homa Sabet Tavangar, I had just moved to Philadelphia. Homa was about to leave the city. Temporarily. She said she was about to take her three young daughters and move to Africa, to The Gambia specifically. Why? Because she wanted them to experience the "oneness of humanity."

Soon after, Homa left the United States with her girls in tow, to live out her principles. Her oldest daughter should have been in her last year of middle school, her youngest was only three-and-a-half. Once there, Homa did not search out an expat community or try to find an exclusive private international school for her girls. She enrolled them all in private local schools with some of the same families they were living amongst as well as some other international kids. She chronicled her journey in a fantastic blog for the Philadelphia Inquirer.

Personally, I loved reading about her adventures on the blog, but Homa's gone one better. She's written a fascinating and useful book called, Growing Up Global: Raising Children to be at Home in the World. In the book she talks about her motivations to take the trip to Africa but the majority of the tome is a parenting primer, offering wonderful tips and activities to raise real global citizens. With chapter titles like "Be A Friend," "Go to School" and "Celebrate with the World," the book is chock full of ways (from learning a new language to attending an international children's film festival) to make our children (and ourselves too!) understand their place in this big wide world. I love it! And one of you will too.

Homa has given me a copy of Growing Up Global to give to one of my Meltingpot Readers. AND she's offered to answer any of your questions about raising a global citizen. So post a question here for Homa in the comments section and you'll be entered to win the book. We'll post the winner and answers from Homa next Friday so get your questions in by Monday at midnight.


For more information about Homa and her own fascinating background, check out her beautiful Growing Up Global website.

Peace!

Does the World's Most Famous Cablasian Owe Us an Explanation?

Of course there are way more important things to worry about. Like the 30 thousand new troops who are heading to Afghanistan or the upcoming conference on climate change. But I can't help but spend a little moment of my day wondering what is going on with Tiger Woods. I know it's really none of my business why he crashed his car into a fire hydrant in the wee hours of the morning and why his wife needed a golf club to bust out the back window and drag him to safety (like why couldn't he just back up?) but since everybody else is talking about it, I'm intrigued.

I mean, maybe he was just running out for diapers or formula or a container of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream. Because who doesn't every once in a while get a craving? But if that were the case, wouldn't you just say that? Why all the secrecy? Didn't Tiger learn anything from David Letterman's recent PR nightmare that it's best to just lay all of your bad deeds out on the table before anyone else can expose you?

Well, apparently the message is finally sinking in, because Tiger has just issued a statement on his website asking the public to respect his privacy. The statement begins:

" I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone."

So it sounds like Tiger may have strayed from the family nest. He certainly wouldn't be the first man to do so, but it does sting when it's one of our so-called sports heroes, especially one who seems to pride himself on staying out of the limelight for anything besides golf.

So what do you think? Does Tiger Woods owe the public any explanation? Is there a middle ground where he doesn't have to give us all of the sordid details, but instead he just tells us (or Oprah perhaps) what happened and that he and his wife are working on it and now please leave us alone? Didn't Kobe Bryant and his wife do that? And finally, do you think there will be any additional scrutiny to this case because Tiger's wife is White?

So many questions? Do you have any answers or opinions?

I'm listening.

Peace.